He Said/She Said: What I’m Thankful For: You

Tuesday, 1 December 2015

What I’m Thankful For: You

What I’m Thankful For - You

For most of us in the U.S., Thanksgiving is a four-day excuse to binge eat and watch football with your family.

Me, too.

But ever since I married into my wife’s traditional Christian family, I’ve discovered another meaning.

Everyone goes around the table before dinner and states something that he/she is thankful for. The comments are quick, but profound. How often do we actually take the time to express our gratitude like this to people we love?

Not that often. Which is ironic, given that, scientifically, showing appreciation actually makes you a happier person. But of course it does.

I tell my wife I love her and appreciate her.

It makes her happy.

She usually returns the favor.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Thus, appreciation is one of the easiest ways to make yourself feel better on a regular basis.

Since I learned this, I’ve become over-the-top effusive in praising others. Yesterday, I literally stopped a conversation with a woman to say, “You know what? I like you. I think you’re great.”

It made me feel good and I hope it made her morning.

Anyway, since you’re now over your food coma, and digging out of a pile of work, I wanted to take this brief moment to express my appreciation for you.

As an extrovert who spends all his time alone, you are my sole connection to the outside world.

Appreciation is one of the easiest ways to make yourself feel better on a regular basis.

Which is one of many reasons that I spend so much time responding to comments on my blog, Facebook and Twitter.

It’s also one of the reasons that I relish any feedback you give to me.

Your emails are the lifeblood of my business and they are the single biggest reason I never tire of the solitude of being a writer.

I have literally saved every email I’ve ever received in a folder on my computer.

On days when I feel adrift or need to be reminded of my mission in life, I look at that folder and receive heartwarming tangible reminders about why I do this.

It feels incredible to know that I can touch women from all over the world with a newsletter or a quote that educates and inspires. But the only way I know how you feel is if you tell me.

Jules sent me this email, and if it wasn’t so long, I’d have printed it up and framed:

Evan, I want to thank you SO much for everything that you do. I really believe that it was a driving force behind me having the relationship that I’ve always wanted. I was divorced, never dated much before, and read your “Why He Disappeared” eBook in one sitting. It really changed things for me. I finally understood why that guy I went out with on 3 amazing dates never called me again, I finally understood why that guy I had been texting for over 1 month never asked me out.

But here is my favorite part, I STOPPED GETTING UPSET ABOUT IT. Okay, I was a little hurt, but not like I was before, and I didn’t let it stop me or hold me back because I KNEW there was going to be another guy out there.

Also, I stopped trying to lead the relationship. I finally learned to let go, stop being SO invested in every single date and started to have fun with dating. I’m being honest when I say I had TONS of fun dating. I learned to focus on being playful, just having a great conversation with a man, and stopped appearing so desperate.

That’s when he found me. The love of my life. All it took was a few email exchanges on an online dating website, and before I met him I made a conscious choice to try to be myself; this meant I did not get super dolled up for our brunch date but went looking “cute” and friendly and open. He was not my type at all. He was the same culture and religion as me, which I told myself I would never do, and he was not my type physically at all. But this time was different.

I decided to focus on how he made me feel and give it a chance. And let me tell you, he makes me feel like no other man has ever made me feel. Safe, wanted, loved, cared for, special, funny, desired. What I also realized is that when I am being completely and utterly myself (like the way I am with a best friend; nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be fake about), he is even more crazy about me.

He always told me when we were first dating that he thought I was a “cool girl” and let me tell you, it took a while for me to get there!! I was a nervous girl, a not so confident-don’t know-what I’m doing-girl, but you gave me confidence, Evan. I knew that I should focus on the way he makes me feel and I should focus on making him feel good too (quizzing him on our 3rd date on whether he wants to ever get married would NOT make him feel good, so I didn’t do that, asking him why he didn’t call me one or two days out of the week when he called every other day was NOT going to make him feel good, so I didn’t do that either).

I also learned that it is OKAY for a woman to say what she wants or is important to her in a matter of fact way, and the guy can either take it or leave it. If the man cannot or does not want to provide that, it is up to the woman to decide if she still wants to be with him. After 2 years of dating. I dropped a “hint” and sent him a picture of a ring and told him should he ever consider it in the future, that was my style. A few months later he proposed with that exact same style of ring I sent him. We are getting married on a beach in about 2 weeks now, and I wanted to thank you again for all the work you do. It truly, really, makes a difference. It helped me become the woman I wanted to be (and always knew I could be) in a relationship; confident, open, giving and receiving.

THANK YOU EVAN!!!

-Jules

I don’t care who you are, but being appreciated never gets old – whether it’s by your boss, your employees, your children, your parents, or, in this case, your readers.

To be clear, I’m not soliciting emails from you.