Welcome People...
Lets talk Love..Sex..and Relationships
Women Arent As Cool With One-Night Stands As Men
Lets start with one thing..Just like every study ever conducted, just because this doesnt apply to YOU doesnt mean it doesnt apply.
My Boyfriend Is Turned Off By My Hairy Legs.
Im 25 and have been dating a man who is 34 for the last 1.5 years. There is a lot to like about him he's smart, kind, caring, and dependable. He is almost the elusive alpha male nerd.
Am I Being Too Materialistic By Giving Up on a Financially Unstable Man?
I decided to get back into the dating world and I met this guy online four weeks ago. So its all still very early and very new. But a big worry for me is that is has absolutely no stability or consistency in his life.
When Do I Draw The Line When He Parties With the Boys?
My boyfriend loves partying weekends and some weeknights with his friends. We are in our late 20s and I party a bit too but dont consider it extremely important.
Sunday, 31 January 2016
Why internships are killing university relationships
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New school program forges relationships
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#Nairobian: Internships killing uni relationships
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Why you DON'T have to make love regularly to have a happy marriage: It’s a series that could transform your life - an in-depth study into what really makes relationships last. And it’s not what you think
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4 Keys to Mastering Love and Relationships
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Are Facebook Friends Based On Real Relationships?
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Saturday, 30 January 2016
Reputation and Relationships Create, Build and Sustain Brand Value
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Friday, 29 January 2016
Birds of a feather: Jays' GM focused on relationships with Bautista, Encarnacion
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Ponderosa High coach accused of inappropriate relationships with students
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Rewarding relationships
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8 Reasons Why Entrepreneurs Need More Business Relationships and Fewer Friends
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In shift, Trump touts ‘great’ relationships with top Democrats
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Fundraiser celebrates healthy relationships
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Workshop theme: ‘Get Their Name: Grow Your Church by Building New Relationships’
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Thursday, 28 January 2016
How internships kill university relationships
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Octopuses' colourful and violent relationships revealed in underwater footage
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Working to optimize relationships
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Why Relationships Should Be 'Hell Yeah or No'
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Shryne Backs Up Your Online Relationships And Memories
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My Dream for 2016: Creating Social Transformation Through Building Deeper Relationships
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Want to Stay Married? Marry Someone Your Own Age.
Ah, statistics! I rely on them to form my opinions. Others read them and scoff:
“Those statistics are wrong!” “That doesn’t apply to me!” “There must be something faulty with the study!” “It must be that liberal media bias!” or even “You’re an asshole!”
I’ve heard all of the above more times than I can count, but it’s not going to stop me from giving dating advice based on data rather than on ego and feeling.
You are entitled to your own opinions and life choices. You are not entitled to your own facts. That one is the big one.
So, to anyone about to read this who objects:
- Unless you’re a statistician who has a background in this, you do not get to overrule people who do this for a living.
- Studies observe populations of people. In this case, over 3000 couples. If you are the exception to the rule, it doesn’t mean the rule doesn’t apply. For example, smoking causes lung cancer. Just because your grandpa smoked until he was 99 doesn’t mean that smoking doesn’t cause lung cancer. Got it?
- Just because you don’t like the results of a study doesn’t invalidate the study. If there were, in fact, a study that illustrated that “Jews are cheap”; it might make me angry or embarrassed but it doesn’t mean that the study is flawed. You can’t participate in science and get angry at what the results show.
- Don’t shoot the messenger. I’m literally just linking to an article written by people who are smarter than I am about a subject relevant to this blog. When I read these studies, they help to form my worldview and influence my advice.
- You are entitled to your own opinions and life choices. You are not entitled to your own facts. That one is the big one.
Over the years, we’ve learned that women are judgier about looks than men, that men cheat slightly more than women, that people who marry in less than a year are more likely to get divorced, that women who have NSA sex are less happy than women who don’t, that short men have a tougher time getting attention online than tall men and black women have a harder time than Asian women, and dozens of other nuggets that stick in my head and impact my advice. None of these are my opinions. I just report them. Those who argue in the comments section aren’t arguing with me but arguing with studies – all because you don’t like what the studies may say about you.
This has very little to do with the point of today’s article; it’s just something I wanted to get off my chest for awhile. I don’t suppose that this will make a whit of a difference. It’s already been proven that confirmation bias is so strong that opposing facts even make you MORE sure of yourself (cue guns-rights advocates and climate change deniers).
Since it’s my job to steer you to more successful outcomes, you may want to stick with dating people in your own generation. That means you, creepy old guys!
It’s just that I read this article last month in the Atlantic and thought it was very interesting – especially to those men who really covet younger women. Sorry, fellas. Your May-December romance is probably doomed.
A one-year discrepancy in a couple’s ages, the study found, makes them 3 percent more likely to divorce (when compared to their same-aged counterparts); a 5-year difference, however, makes them 18 percent more likely to split up. And a 10-year difference makes them 39 percent more likely.
Once you enter large-gap territory—the 20-year difference, the 30-year difference—the odds of divorce are … almost never in your favor. (95% higher for 20 years, 172% higher for 30 years).
As the article mentions, “statistics aren’t destiny.” There are examples of big age gaps in successful marriages. But there are many more examples of divorce. And since it’s my job to steer you to more successful outcomes, you may want to stick with dating people in your own generation. That means you, creepy old guys!
The post Want to Stay Married? Marry Someone Your Own Age. appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..
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Wednesday, 27 January 2016
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NT Government delegation to visit China to further develop business relationships 27 Jan 2016
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People who post about their relationships on Facebook might be hiding something
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Woman who says she fled Nigeria after family threatened to kill her over lesbian relationships fails in legal challenge to refugee status...
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Why Relationships Are Key for Enterprise Deals in 2016
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Tuesday, 26 January 2016
Eakins: Hillsborough school district rethinking relationships with faith-based partners
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I've always had good relationships with Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid
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Monday, 25 January 2016
Police hope to foster strong relationships with neighbors through new program
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The 2/2/2 Rule or (Should I Change My Online Approach To Feel More Chemistry on First Dates?)
First of all, I want to say that after reading all of your blog articles and your book, Why He Disappeared, I feel more empowered than ever in my dating life. Like you suggest, I am actively online dating. I spend an hour or so every day chatting with guys I find both physically and emotionally alluring. Like most of your clients beautiful, funny, caring and have a great job (I’m a bit younger though, 26 years old). Being young and cute, I get quite a bit of male interest online and I typically go on 2 to 4 dates a week. Unfortunately, most of the guys I go on dates with I end up having no interest in going on a second date with. There’s nothing inherently wrong with these guys or with me, but it just feels like neither one of us is very into it. I’m getting pretty frustrated at the whole situation and I’m beginning to think that maybe I’m just picking the wrong guys, but when we chat online it seems like we really hit it off. That chemistry just never seems to translate into real life interactions. Am I doing something wrong or am I just picking the wrong guys? I suspect it might be the latter, but I have no idea how to go about picking better guys. Are there specific factors in someone’s profile that I should be looking at? I normally look to see if the guy is interested in trying new things, what his stance on having a family is, how serious he is about finding a relationship, etc. If I’m doing something wrong, is there a way I can approach dates so that we both feel more chemistry when we meet in real life?
Looking forward to your input!
-Allyse
September 1998
I’m new to online dating. I’m doing what most everybody does: emailing lots of people short emails and encouraging them to meet as quickly as possible for coffee. I’d have 3-4 dates a week because they were low cost, and low investment. Quickly, I realize that I hated this way of dating. That I never had a great coffee date. That I never made out with someone at Starbucks. That meeting at 2pm in plastic chairs isn’t that conducive to romance, and feels more like a business meeting. It was from that point on that I decided to put a little more time into getting to know someone prior to the date, to ensure a better date.
It couldn’t be too long. After all, who wants to spend a month getting to know someone, only to find out there’s no physical chemistry? At the same time, meeting someone after writing “Hey, you’re hot. Let’s meet. Here’s my phone number,” was yielding nothing but these boring coffee dates with total strangers.
Total time from first email to first date: 1 day
April 1999
I write to a superstar on JDate – PhD in neuroscience, quick wit, burlesque dancer. Emails are lengthy and magical. Phone calls breeze by like time was standing still. A week later, with great anticipation, I show up at a bar for the first date, convinced that this was “the one.” Less than an hour into the date, she tells me, “I’m not that attracted to you.” It was like I got punched in the gut. My fantasy didn’t match my reality. Lesson learned.
My fantasy didn’t match my reality. Lesson learned.
Total time from first email to first date: 1 week
July, 2000
I receive an email from a woman without a photo on Match.com. I engage her in conversation. It’s fun. It’s flirty. It’s easy. She lives about an hour away. We exchange emails and she sends me a photo. She is the most beautiful woman I’d ever talked to online. Breathtaking. We start talking on the phone. Conversation is effortless. I call her a second time. We set up a date for Friday night. We continue to flirt during the day. We have another phone call the day before the date. She shows up at the restaurant and she’s glowing. We’re connecting. It’s incredible. We go out dancing. We come home and fool around a bit. I’m smitten. She takes another 2-3 weeks to decide she wants to become exclusive. It’s on.
Total time from first email to first date: 1 week.
December, 2002
I write to a cute girl on JDate, right before I’m about to visit my Mom on the East Coast for Christmas. We exchange emails on the site, then off the site, then move to the phone. The first call was good enough that – since I wasn’t in LA to take her out – I decided to call her by phone from Florida. The three hour time difference meant that I called her at 10pmEST (after my Mom had gone to sleep) and 7pmPST (when she was home from work). Every day for a week, we spoke for 2+ hours. Finally, even though we’d never met before, she picked me up at the airport. We were pretty much instant boyfriend/girlfriend.
Total time from first email to first date: 10 days (7 of which were on different coasts)
By 2003, I had become a dating coach and spent a lot of time listening to people complain about what was “wrong” with online dating. I was also still single and looking for answers myself. But I’d had enough experience to realize that I had a “system” going that seemed to work very well for me.
Basically, if every other guy was going to zig, I was going to zag.
While other men would write aggressive first emails and try to procure a meeting as quickly as possible, I realized that since I had LESS success being pushy and LESS success going out with total strangers, it was in my best interests to slow down just a little bit.
Basically, if every other guy was going to zig, I was going to zag.
I’d write a couple of emails on Match, write a couple of emails off Match, talk on the phone once or twice – all the better to assess our connection PRIOR to going on the date. If I discovered that emails were boring or conversations were flat or weird or tense, I wouldn’t ask her out.
As a result, instead of going on four blind dates a week with strangers based on their photos, I went on closer to 1 or 2 dates a week with women I’d gotten to know for about a week.
Sure enough, dating became more fun. It wasn’t foolproof. Sometimes, there’d be no chemistry. Sometimes, a woman would be great on the phone and bad in person. But, for the most part, I enjoyed meeting women after a week of flirting – it always felt more like a second date than a first date.
When everyone else was sipping lattes in plastic chairs, I was hooking up like crazy – all because I put in a LITTLE more time up front for quality assurance.
So while everyone else HATED online dating and got burned out on it, I LOVED it. I knew there would be ups and downs, but, for the most part, the more I stuck to my process, the more comfortable the women were when we met and the more fun we had on those first dates.
Candidly, when everyone else was sipping lattes in plastic chairs, I was hooking up like crazy – all because I put in a LITTLE more time up front for quality assurance.
In 2007, when I was creating my comprehensive online dating program, Finding the One Online, I had to come up with a name for the thing I’d been doing effortlessly for the past five years.
I called it the 2/2/2 Rule: Two emails on the site. Two emails each off the site. Two phone calls. First date. Takes less than a week. Saves women the horror of meeting douchey strangers, spares men the cost of taking out women with no personality, builds up trust and rapport, delivers better first dates than blind dates at Starbucks.
Pretty soon, 2/2/2 became a “thing.” Pretty soon, I was doing a TEDx Talk about it.
2/2/2 Rule: Two emails on the site. Two emails each off the site. Two phone calls. First date. Takes less than a week.
Pretty soon, emails started pouring in from around the world about how something so simple revolutionized their online dating experience.
I know all the objections: Men don’t want to do it. I don’t want to do it. I just want to see if there’s chemistry. It’s a waste of time. I don’t know what to say. What about texting? What if we don’t like talking on the phone? I got it, I got it, I got it.
There are answers to all of those questions, but I suspect those who aren’t open to this will not be persuaded by my logic, experience and success.
In short, if you’re a guy who is happy with spamming women with your phone number and getting one out of 50 to write back, go on with your bad self. If you’re a woman who has 3-4 dates a week and doesn’t see value in making men work a little harder to meet you, by all means, keep up your good work. But don’t complain that online dating isn’t working for you. Because online dating is doing EXACTLY what you’re asking it to do – it’s feeding you men that you refuse to vet because you’re impatient and they’re impatient. The results speak for themselves.
You don’t need to be an expert profile reader to succeed in online dating. You just need a different way of moving men from the dating site to the first date in less than a week.
In short, my dear, Allyse, you don’t need to be an expert profile reader (although I’d personally go for longer profiles, sincere profiles, and self-aware profiles) to succeed in online dating. You just need a different way of moving men from the dating site to the first date in less than a week, to make sure that he’s a good guy BEFORE you meet instead of AFTER.
Volume 4 of Finding the One Online is about that ONE subject – how to flirt with men, initiate contact, and effortlessly screen 7-10 men into 1-2 pre-screened dates per week.
Check it out and let me know if it makes a difference in your experience, okay?
The post The 2/2/2 Rule or (Should I Change My Online Approach To Feel More Chemistry on First Dates?) appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..
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Sunday, 24 January 2016
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Saturday, 23 January 2016
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Friday, 22 January 2016
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How Do You Know When It’s a Match?
Do you have a checklist of qualities a man must have before you will date him?
In this final video, shot with my friends at Three Day Rule, I explain why this list impedes your chances of finding love.
Watch the video above and be sure to share your thoughts below.
The post How Do You Know When It’s a Match? appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..
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Thursday, 21 January 2016
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IVF Pays Off – If You Can Afford to Keep Trying
Yes, this is a blog about dating and relationships, but I also try to make it a one-stop shop for information relevant to the smart, strong, successful women who frequent this site.
That’s why I post articles and studies every Thursday about gender dynamics, personality types, sexual assault, and parenting – all of which impact a portion of my readers. Today’s post is mostly for the 45-and-under set because it’s specifically about the efficacy of IVF (in-vitro-fertilization). I’ve posted about this before in a post called “Why Women Who Want to Have Children Should Date Seriously in Their Early 30’s.” That article linked to a powerful piece by Amy Klein about the true numbers for women of a certain age who want to have their own biological children. (Amy did, in fact, have her own child last year, after many struggles).
The upshot: just because you look good for your age doesn’t mean your ovaries are capable of producing viable eggs well into your 40’s. And if you find that you’re not as fertile as you’d hoped, IVF is your best possible hope for success. There are only a few problems:
- It works less than 30% of the time during your first round of IVF, and 17% after the sixth cycle. If you’re 40-42, those numbers drop to 12.3% and 6.9%.
- Each cycle of IVF averages $12,400.
That’s a lot of risk for a very uncertain reward. But for those couples (or single women) who are highly motivated, there is a winnowing opportunity that just can’t be missed. And while old assumptions were that women couldn’t get pregnant after three or four failed tries, in fact, 2/3 of women who tried IVF reported having a child by the sixth cycle.
I hope this provides a ray of hope for women with the means to invest so heavily in IVF. One of my best friends from college went through 5-6 rounds with his 44-year-old wife to conceive their second child, and I’m positive it was worth every penny.
Your thoughts, below, are always appreciated. (Except the ones chastising people for spending $100K when there are kids they can adopt. It’s their money. It’s their lives. They can do whatever they want with it.)
The post IVF Pays Off – If You Can Afford to Keep Trying appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..
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Tuesday, 19 January 2016
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Monday, 18 January 2016
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How Can I Get A Guy To See That I’m The One For Him?
I’m almost 42, and have been to the rodeo a few times (I have two of your books, read all of your stuff, and have been with you for some years now). I have a doctorate, a lovely home, a fulfilling job, three polite and accomplished children (one in college, one about to be), a collegial relationship with their father . . . I take good care of myself in all ways, and I struggle to get dates as a liberal and non-religious person in a southern town.
Recently, a promising prospect chatted me up on Match and we began emailing separately. Since I tend to try to communicate with about three men at a time (JUST communicate!), I thought things were clicking nicely, though he was slow to ask me out. Then he mentioned he took down his profile because he wanted to “see where things would go” with a girl he was seeing, though she “wasn’t a girlfriend” yet. To say I was clotheslined is an understatement! He says he wouldn’t want her having coffee with other men, so he wants to give her the same respect. I like that, a LOT. But he has the WRONG GIRL. He says he is willing to “continue the conversation” with me via email “as long as I would like to,” but I am not one to “sell” someone on me — au contraire! The problem is that I’m head over heels — perhaps because he won’t date me? Last night he said “Dammit, Karen! I wish we had met eight weeks ago!” He was complimenting me on Match just a WEEK ago! Isn’t it kind of soon for him to be exclusive with a girl who is “NOT his girlfriend”? I know I want him to see who’s out there, because I am confident that I’m a prize. But he says “I don’t believe in soul mates” — ok, neither do I, but I also don’t believe in making do! Normally I’m cool and collected – this is the first one who has me highly motivated in, like … ever. HELP!
Karen
I’m sorry, Karen. It means something to me that you’ve read my stuff, bought my books, and took the time to ask me this question, but it forces me to ask an uncomfortable question in return:
Why didn’t you absorb any of the information?
First of all, you’re communicating with 3 men? If you read Finding the One Online, you’d know that number should be 7-10 men, because if you’re screening men properly using my 2/2/2 rule, most of them will fall short or disappear, leaving you with 1-2 dates per week.
Next, your doctorate, your lovely home, your fulfilling job, your accomplished children…all of them mean absolutely nothing to a stranger on a dating site. If you read Why He Disappeared, you know two things:
1. “No man is real until he’s your boyfriend.” He’s just hope, fantasy, projection and potential. You don’t get excited about a guy until he’s committed to you, specifically because there’s such a high likelihood that things won’t pan out. It’s healthy to temper unrealistic expectations so that you don’t turn into well…this woman who is writing this email.
2. “Men are all about feelings.” How does he feel when he’s in your presence? Appreciated? Admired? Accepted? If so, there’s a good chance, he’s gonna stick around. Except for one instance…
No man is real until he’s your boyfriend.
Your guy met someone he liked more than you before he met you. Or maybe after. It doesn’t really matter. Point is that this guy has cast his vote with his actions. He’s taking down his profile to focus on her and explore the relationship. The fact that it probably won’t last is irrelevant, since most relationships break up before the altar.
What’s strange here is that you think he made a mistake here. Really? Says who?
Let’s put the shoe on the other foot. You’re talking to three guys at once. You like one guy more than the rest. You have four great dates with him. You both decide to take down your profiles and explore a relationship. One of the other men feels upset, hurt and confused. He writes you an email: “I don’t understand! You were saying nice things about me a WEEK ago! I have a great job, a great house, a great family! You’re making a mistake! You’re choosing the WRONG GUY!”
Most women would find such an email to be somewhere between laughable and pathetic and would not even bother to respond, except maybe to block his number.
So, Karen, it’s not that you’re wrong to feel you’re a catch. It’s that you’re wrong to insist that you’re HIS catch. It’s like you think you know what’s better for him than he does.
You don’t.
You can’t convince someone to like you more than he does.
You can’t logic your way into a relationship by pitting your qualities against the other girl.
You certainly can’t tell him that his feelings are wrong and that he’d be happier with you, when a) you don’t know the other girl and b) you haven’t even MET this guy.
You understand that, right? You’re head over heels over a fantasy, a creation of your own imagination. You’ve largely catfished yourself.
You’re head over heels over a fantasy, a creation of your own imagination. You’ve largely catfished yourself.
Therefore, Karen, please take my metaphorical advice:
You’ve just accidentally driven your car past the yellow tape and orange cones into Crazytown. I suggest you drive it back to the other side of the border before you cause any more damage.
If his relationship breaks up and he contacts you again (which is quite likely), you can still save face and be given another chance. But if you utter a word of this to him, he will dismiss you so fast you won’t know what hit you.
In the meantime, refresh yourself with Finding the One Online and learn to email 7-10 guys simultaneously.
Believe me, you won’t worry this much about another guy when you have a deep bench of other guys lining up to meet you.
The post How Can I Get A Guy To See That I’m The One For Him? appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..
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Matchmaking and Online Dating
Online dating is the most accessible and effective way to find love. Statistics say that at least 1 in 3 marriages now begin online, so there’s no question that it’s a successful medium.
But online dating can be frustrating. In this video, shot with my friends at Three Day Rule, I explain why you may be struggling to make it work for you.
Watch the video above and be sure to share your thoughts below.
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A Well Written Online Dating Profile Matters
Let’s establish a few things that should be indisputable when it comes to online dating.
- People don’t write to people they don’t find attractive. I could write you the world’s greatest online dating profile, but if someone of the opposite sex doesn’t find you physically appealing from the get-go, it probably won’t matter much.
- Presuming that someone does find you attractive online, a well-written online dating profile matters a LOT.
I’m amazed at how hard it is for people to wrap themselves around the second point.
A great profile is what will make someone choose you over the scores of other similarly attractive people.
When I talk about how much online dating profiles matter, the immediate pushback is that people are all about photos and that profiles don’t matter at all. WTF?
It’s like saying that a 1.9 GPA wouldn’t matter if you had a 1300 SAT score. Of course it matters. It ALL matters. A cute face and decent body will get you in the door. A great profile is what will make someone choose you over the scores of other similarly attractive people. Just think about it for a second:
I’m browsing women online. I see 50 of them that turn my head. I don’t have the bandwidth to write to 50 women at once, much less at all. Who am I going to write to first? The attractive woman with the best profile, not the most attractive woman with the shittiest profile. SOME men do that. They are largely stupid, shallow men, so you need not worry about them. Men of substance are looking for women of substance – even when we’re trying to get laid as well.
It’s for this reason that I started e-Cyrano online dating profile writing in 2003 – to help singles stand out from the crowd with a one-of-a-kind profile that attracts more attention from higher quality prospects. And it’s for reason that I share with you this article that exonerates my position that good profiles matter.
So let’s agree everyone online is driven by looks first, and that everyone of substance actually cares who you are and what you have to say.
New research published in the journal Personal Relationships suggests that things like the length of your profile, the number of positive and negative words you use, and whether or not you use swear words, are all sending subtle signals and influencing how other online daters assess your personality.
“Online daters who wish to be perceived as more consistent with the ideal romantic partner personality profile should write fairly lengthy ads that use an abundance of positive emotion words, and refrain from any negative emotionality or cursing,” the researchers write.”
Sounds obvious, but if you’ve dated online, you know that it’s not. People write short ads that reveal little – and then complain that online dating sucks and people are only concerned with photos. Ironic, isn’t it?
e-Cyrano clients, on the other hand, usually have strangers write to tell them that their profile is the best they’ve ever seen. Such is the power of taking the time to figure out what makes you unique and what someone else gets out of dating you.
So let’s agree that everyone online is driven by looks first, and that everyone of substance actually cares who you are and what you have to say. And if you’ve been dating online on and off for awhile without much success, it’s distinctly possible that it’s because you had no idea how an amazing profile can attract a completely different kind of man.
Click here to learn more about e-Cyrano and please share your thoughts below about the effects of a good (or bad) profile.
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