Welcome People...
Lets talk Love..Sex..and Relationships
Women Arent As Cool With One-Night Stands As Men
Lets start with one thing..Just like every study ever conducted, just because this doesnt apply to YOU doesnt mean it doesnt apply.
My Boyfriend Is Turned Off By My Hairy Legs.
Im 25 and have been dating a man who is 34 for the last 1.5 years. There is a lot to like about him he's smart, kind, caring, and dependable. He is almost the elusive alpha male nerd.
Am I Being Too Materialistic By Giving Up on a Financially Unstable Man?
I decided to get back into the dating world and I met this guy online four weeks ago. So its all still very early and very new. But a big worry for me is that is has absolutely no stability or consistency in his life.
When Do I Draw The Line When He Parties With the Boys?
My boyfriend loves partying weekends and some weeknights with his friends. We are in our late 20s and I party a bit too but dont consider it extremely important.
Friday, 31 July 2015
Jimmy Carter talks business, politics and personal relationships in new memoir
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Alison Taylor on relationships: Lessons from my phone diary - a lot of cringey notes have been written
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Mate Value and Slow Love
For the uninitiated, “mate value” (also known as “sexual market value“) means, essentially, how many options you have in the relationship marketplace.
A man who is 6 feet tall, has a Masters degree, and makes six figures will have high mate value.
A man who is 5 feet tall, has a high school education, and makes 25k/year will have low mate value.
This does not remotely mean that the high mate value guy is a better man or a better husband; all it means is that he’s going to have far more dating options.
In general, people marry partners with similar mate values. In other words, you won’t see too many thin, rich, young debutantes marrying 55-year-old paunchy plumbers.
You won’t see too many thin, rich, young debutantes marrying 55-year-old paunchy plumbers.
Per a recent New York Times article by John Tierney, “It seems logical for people with high mate value to insist on comparable partners, and there’s some evidence that they do. By observing singles pursuing one another at online dating sites and in speed-dating experiments, researchers have found that people tend to end up with those of similar mate value.
That pattern also occurs in married couples: Attractive, well-educated, high-earning people tend to marry people like themselves. In fact, economists say that this growing trend of “assortative mating” is a major cause of income inequality, because a household with two high earners makes so much more money than a household with two low earners (or only one earner).”
So, is this like a modern caste system, where we are resigned to stay within our stations? Not exactly.
In a study of couples that was published online this month in Psychological Science, researchers interviewed all sorts of couples – people who’d been married for 50 years and those who just started dating. “After being videotaped talking about their relationships, all were rated for physical attractiveness by a group of judges who viewed each partner separately. When the ratings for partners were compared, there was a clear pattern based on how long the people had known one another before they had begun dating.”
Are you ready for this?
“If they’d begun going out within a month of meeting, then they tended to be equally attractive physically. But if they’d been acquaintances for a long time, or if they’d been friends before becoming lovers, then someone hot was more liable to end up with someone not so hot.”
Get a job working with those same people you pass up on Tinder and you may just discover the love of your life – all because you took the time to get to know him.
This supplies credence to what we already observe in real-life. Sure, in online dating, you’re going to make snap judgments based on superficial attractiveness.
But get a job working with those same people you pass up on Tinder and you may just discover the love of your life – all because you took the time to get to know him.
Your thoughts, as always, are appreciated.
The post Mate Value and Slow Love appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..
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Thursday, 30 July 2015
and Genesys: personalising customer relationships
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University of Akron cuts could undermine community relationships, support
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The last words of the dying are mostly about love and relationships, reveals new poll
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On the festival of love, JPost readers share how their relationships blossomed in the holy land
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How to spice up long-distance relationships
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5 Things All Healthy Relationships Require
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Service day at St. Cecilia opens doors to new relationships within Hispanic community
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Big Shift To Digital And Data Marketing Is Shaking Up Client Relationships With Ad/Media Agency Partners
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Free IGD PDF: Trading relationships in 2015-16
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Turkey values Silk Road relationships
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New Research Reveals How Body Size Influences Romance In Same-Sex Relationships
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Wednesday, 29 July 2015
A destination where relationships have been forged
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Hairstylist relationships, BoHo chic, tress trends, cellophane wraps
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Answering “Preparing To Be A Help Meet” – Relationships Away From Home
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Science says couples in lasting relationships typically wait this long to start having sex
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Why Love Relationships Fail: If You Were Born with Venus Retrograde
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‘It’s a win-win for everybody’ – how local politicians nurture relationships with energy industries
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Marriage, relationships clearly explained in scripture
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Would you up sex for your smartphone? Study shows dysfunctional relationships with phones
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Tuesday, 28 July 2015
Book review: 'Haven' is a story of faith, relationships
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Disruptive Technology that Could Transform Government-Citizen Relationships
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Vero Launches Social Media App to Mirror Real World Relationships
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Zoo trainer builds relationships with animals
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Scientists at J. Craig Venter Institute, Scripps Institution of Oceanography and Other Collaborators, Publish Paper Outlining New View of Microbial Relationships in Southern Ocean Phytoplankton Blooms
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SiriusXM Raises Subscriber Guidance, Touts Music Industry Relationships
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Complexities of mother-son relationships
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RELATIONSHIPS Should I stay or should I go?
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Monday, 27 July 2015
Research shows social media proclamations are good for relationships
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Selling Your Abundance: An Introduction to Working with Restaurants and Building Farm-to-Table Relationships
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“Honey I’m Good”: Andy Grammer’s hit about temptation in relationships
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Startups Grow Through Human Relationships, Not Just Cool Tech
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How Can I Improve Interaction with My Beta Boyfriend?
Hi Evan,
I’ve been reading your advice for years and am a huge fan! You’re genuine with your words and you provide a unique, real voice that is not offered by other dating coaches/advice columnists.
Anyway, I’ve been trying to look for an answer to my dilemma. I’m nearing 30. I always had great luck with men when I was in my early to mid-20s. It was easy for me to fall in love and to find guys who were romantic, sweet, and masculine. Then, as I entered my late 20s, I felt a change in lifestyle, during which my career started to flourish, and I started to focus on work, home, and dating seriously, with the hope for long-term commitment. Evan, I’m a real go-getter and everything in my life is successful except my personal life. I’ve tried to not push commitment and instead tried to go with the flow with my boyfriend who I really, really wanted to be with but who ended up telling me he wasn’t over an ex, so he couldn’t commit to me. The breakup was recent but not too shocking, so while I still cringe when I think of it, I decided it’s best to move on.
Since then, I was set up by a family member and been dating a nice guy that you would label a beta male. He has a very good, high-paying tech career, has made a home, and, the best thing, my family already knows and likes him! But he’s pretty passive and a bit socially awkward. For example, on our first date, which he initiated and even picked me up for, when the bill came, he shyly asked if I wanted him to pay for dinner or if I wanted to split the bill. Most guys I’ve dated wouldn’t ask, they would just pay for the bill (especially on the first date)! I’m sure it’s not because he had a horrible time or because he’s broke (he makes more than I do). I made a bold move and said he can pay for it. He then smiled and agreed and we continued our date, which involved a romantic walk through his favorite part of the city. I believe he asked me about paying because he didn’t want to make me go on a date with him if I didn’t want to and offered to allow me to pay for myself as if we were only eating dinner as friends. Pretty awkward, huh!?
Still, I enjoy his company and we have similar interests and goals, so I have continued to date him. So far, we’ve gone on five more dates, slowly getting to know each other. He’s continued to exhibit awkward, indecisive beta male behavior: speaking softly at loud bars, asking me for directions to restaurants, and taking a loooong time to plan a date! It’s kind of driving me nuts! But I feel like we have a lot of promise, so I’d like to stick around and see things through.
I would love your advice on how to be patient with a beta and how to date one without feeling like the one who wears the pants. I’ve read in your articles that this is normal for women who are career-driven and intelligent–we are like the female equivalents of “nice guys”. I don’t want to date an alpha male; they are too competitive with me and bring unneeded drama into my life. I believe I’ll do better with a guy who is more thoughtful and sensitive, but still successful and responsible, like my current guy. Please provide a guide to alpha women, who have realized their faults and are trying to change the men they date for the better but are struggling through the alpha-to-beta culture shock!
Thank you, Evan! And keep doing what you’re doing! We love you!
~Sam
I like this email – and not just for the complimentary words bracketing Sam’s question.
What I respond to most is Sam’s self-awareness – and before I answer your question, my friend, I want you to know that I am not at ALL worried about you. Women who look internally for answers are the ones who reap their just rewards, and given your ability to take responsibility for shifting your choice in men, it is only a matter of time before you meet Mr. Right.
Women who look internally for answers are the ones who reap their just rewards, and given your ability to take responsibility for shifting your choice in men, it is only a matter of time before you meet Mr. Right.
So here’s the deal:
A big part of dating is trusting that when you connect with your future husband, things will just organically feel good. Not white-hot chemistry. Not an immediate and blinding soulmate connection. More like you feel like you’ve been friends with this person for your entire life and you can let down your guard and be yourself. Moreover, you feel like you see this person in the best possible light.
Does that describe the beta male you’ve gone out with five times?
I don’t think so.
So please don’t fall into the trap that so many readers do.
You wean yourself off of selfish, narcissistic, emotionally unavailable alphas.
You try out a beta. He turns out to be TOO beta/awkward/nerdy/unattractive. So you revert right back to your old behavior, having determined that betas are all too awkward/nerdy/unattractive.
Do you need to be more patient with betas? Sure.
Do you need to give them more guidance, positive reinforcement, and support? You betcha.
Do you need to view them for their strengths – their patience, their kindness, their warmth, their easygoing nature? Absolutely.
Consider this part of a learning process instead of thinking that you should have already reached your destination.
But do you have to stick with THIS guy? Not at all.
Consider this part of a learning process instead of thinking that you should have already reached your destination. You’ve now learned about two types of guys who are not right for you – emotionally unavailable alphas, and painfully awkward betas.
Your next boyfriend – I guarantee you – will be somewhere in between.
The post How Can I Improve Interaction with My Beta Boyfriend? appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..
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Culture is a sorry excuse for intolerance on same sex relationships
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Sunday, 26 July 2015
Youths learn lessons, build relationships with city school police at camps
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Saturday, 25 July 2015
The useful button can fasten clothing, open relationships
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Luab: Relationships require commitment and time
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Friday, 24 July 2015
Alison Taylor on relationships: As Married at First Sight has shown, knowledge is dating power
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Watch: Josh Lucas Puts a Dizzying Spin on Sibling Relationships in Exclusive 'The Mend' Trailer
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Watch: Josh Lucas Puts a Dizzying Spin on Sibling Relationships in 'The Mend' Trailer
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Live-in Relationships Not a Crime: Supreme Court
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Thursday, 23 July 2015
Live-in relationships now acceptable norm in society: SC
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Modern Romance: Revolutionising relationships and the internet romance realm
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Aziz Ansari: Dating Coach?
I’m gonna come out and say it: I’m envious of Aziz Ansari.
His new book, “Modern Romance: An Investigation”, covers a lot of the same topics that I do – he just has a much greater platform to do so. And let’s give him credit; instead of just being a Steve Harvey-like made-up relationship pundit, Ansari actually talked to a whole bunch of sociologists, behavioral economists and psychologists before writing his book. As such, “Modern Romance” has got a comedic and scientific bent that observes reality and skewers hypocrisy.
“Modern Romance” has got a comedic and scientific bent that observes reality and skewers hypocrisy.
Ansari has been doing the publicity rounds, so here’s a link to a piece he wrote about how technology, texting, dating apps and infinite choices affect modern love. It’s pretty much everything I’ve been writing since 2003, but to be fair, he’s done a really good job outlining how people date today and what’s not working.
Check it out and let me know what you found most eye-opening about Ansari’s discoveries.
The post Aziz Ansari: Dating Coach? appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..
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Wednesday, 22 July 2015
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Tuesday, 21 July 2015
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Monday, 20 July 2015
New GRU president talks of building relationships
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Should I Stop Having Sex With My Boyfriend Until He Decides If He Will Marry Me?
I have been dating a man for 3 years. He’s amazing and we are in love. He told me he loved me first over 2 years ago and he says it to me daily.
Two problems: 1. His ex-wife was diagnosed with breast cancer as of a year ago and we do not know how long she has to live. He has four children with her and they have been divorced for over 5 years. And, 2. He has not asked me to marry him.
How long should I wait? I know it sounds a bit cold…but should I give him the benefit of the doubt and wait until his ex-wife dies? He tells me he can’t get married and hurt his children while their mother is still alive.
Should I stop having sex with him until he decides if I’m his future wife? My gut tells me that I should not be having sex with a man if he is not sure if he wants to marry me at some point. (Our sex life is amazing…really don’t want to give it up).
Thank you.
Paula
Oh, god. Not this again.
Let’s get the easy part out of the way first: Sex is NEVER to be used as a weapon.
This guy is your loving boyfriend of three years and you’re thinking that the best way to procure a ring from him is to PUNISH him by withholding sex?
Are you kidding me?
Cutting off sex from your partner is childish, selfish, petty, and, above all, ineffective in making a man WANT to commit to you for life. It demonstrates that you have no clue how to communicate verbally, establish healthy boundaries, and be a fair and even-keeled partner. Literally, NOTHING could be a worse idea than you floated above.
By the way, none of what I said above means that I think your partner is a healthy bet for a husband. That’s a completely separate question. But now that we’ve dispense of why it’s always a bad idea to use sex as a weapon to hurt a partner, let’s talk about the real issue at hand: whether this man is a good investment of your time and energy.
Cutting off sex from your partner is childish, selfish, petty, and, above all, ineffective in making a man WANT to commit to you for life.
I’m working on limited information here, so forgive me.
All I know is that you say that he’s an “amazing” man who tells you he loves you every day and that you’ve been together for three years. For all the women who are inclined to reflexively side with you because “women good/men bad,” please pay attention to the OPs words: she’s HAPPY and gets treated well by her long-term boyfriend.
However, if Paula wants to be a wife, and not just a long-term girlfriend, she needs to get some clarity as to whether this relationship has a future, not just a present.
He’s not “wrong” if he wants to avoid hurting his children while their mother is still alive.
At the same time, you’re not “wrong” to want to get a ring on your finger after three years together. That’s why you need to communicate in a healthy, matter-of-fact fashion to your boyfriend. You’re not going to attack him, or berate him or threaten him. You’re going to ask him to help you solve an intractable problem.
First of all, ask him, point blank, if he intends to marry you.
Is that direct? Yes. Should he know the answer after 3 years? Yes.
If he hedges – and pulls out that typical guy stuff like, “Why do we have to rush things? Why do we have to label things? Why do we need a piece of paper?” you have your answer: your guy wants you as a girlfriend, and nothing more. You must have the courage to leave him.
Ask him, point blank, if he intends to marry you. Is that direct? Yes. Should he know the answer after 3 years? Yes.
However, if he says yes – but he doesn’t want to do it until his ex-wife has passed away – then you can follow up with some more empathetic questions. Ask him why he feels that way. Do his kids know about you? Love you? Have a relationship with you? Want him to get back with his ex? These are all things that I can’t answer which are germane to your situation. Personally, I think he needs to be able to stand up to his ex-wife and his kids and tell them his intentions, but I don’t know the nuances of your relationship or his family dynamics. Only you two do.
Personally, I’m skeptical. Sounds to me like he’s making excuses to avoid marrying you and this is just a convenient one. However, if YOU determine after talking to him that he loves you, he treats you well, he wants to marry you, and he promises to do so shortly after his ex’s passing, then, by all means, stick around.
It’s a lot of “ifs” but you should be able to trust your gut if you think he’s a man of character.
Then again, your gut tells you that you should cut him off from sex to get him to propose.
Forget that I said that last part and get an answer about this guy’s intentions right away.
The post Should I Stop Having Sex With My Boyfriend Until He Decides If He Will Marry Me? appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..
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Sunday, 19 July 2015
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Friday, 17 July 2015
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Thursday, 16 July 2015
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Why Is It So Wrong For a Woman to Admit That She is Lonely and Wants to Find Love?
I generally don’t read first-person pieces from Elephant Journal or TheFrisky or XOJane or The Good Men Project. I’m not sure why. They’re widely shared on Facebook, but they tend to make me a little uncomfortable. Sometimes, it’s TMI. Sometimes, it’s a half-baked idea from an astoundingly unaware human being. Sometimes, it’s intentionally controversial. Sometimes, it’s been written by someone who was born in 1994, when I was graduating college. But I see why these pieces are alluring. Like reality TV, it allows us to get a glimpse of our own humanity, and usually feel somewhat superior.
That was not the emotion that was invoked in Briony Smith’s Flare article on “Why Being Single Sucks.”
Most people are adept at defending their own worldview, but somewhat deficient in empathizing with others’ emotions.
If anything, I found myself extremely sympathetic to her, the same way I was sympathetic to Lori Gottlieb when she was writing, “Marry Him” in 2010. Others may vilify women who nakedly state that they want to fall in love, get married and start families, but I think that’s extremely unfair. Just as no one should ever say that all single people should get married or all married people should have children, it’s equally disrespectful when the proud-to-be-single crowd makes a woman feel bad because she’d be happier in a partnership.
Most people are adept at defending their own worldview, but somewhat deficient in empathizing with others’ emotions. And I see a lot of that from the Kate Bolick/Meghan Daum/Bella DePaulo crowd. Entire tomes are written – in a somewhat defensive tone – about how happy they are to be single and how being single is superior and how weak people are for wanting companionship. God bless them all. Whatever makes you happy. But it is interesting to me that someone can be excoriated just for admitting that, yeah, it would be really nice to have someone to wake up with every day, someone to go to the movies with, someone to travel with, someone to share life’s ups and downs, and build family and memories every day until death do you part.
Anyway, instead of giving you excerpts from Ms. Smith’s piece, click here to read it and please share what you think of her take on things.
The post Why Is It So Wrong For a Woman to Admit That She is Lonely and Wants to Find Love? appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..
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What Can I Do to Make My Boyfriend Feel Better About Himself?
I love your blog. It’s nice reading a no-bullshit point of view with facts to back it up, and so I know that you’re the best dating coach to get advice from. My boyfriend and I are both 24 years old, and we’ve been together for almost a year now. We get along really well and feel like our natural selves with one another. He has always treated me well, and is kind, helpful, hard-working, loving, and also has a backbone. I find him attractive too, and so, of course, I compliment him, but he always denies it. He tells me that he isn’t good looking or attractive, and I think he’s quite self-conscious. For instance, when we went to the pool, he swam with a top on, and other times he’ll make fun of himself. Is it common for men to feel this way? And is there anything that I can do or say to help make him feel better?
Maree
This is a question about insecurity. Nothing more. Nothing less.
So, why is your boyfriend insecure?
Because his Mom or Dad wasn’t supportive.
Because his Mom or Dad wasn’t available.
Because his Mom or Dad was critical or abusive.
Because he was teased throughout school.
Because he’s not particularly charismatic individual.
Because he’s not particularly experienced with women.
Because he comes from a self-effacing family or culture.
Because he sees himself accurately and doesn’t have reason to be confident.
Because a bunch of the above explanations are true.
This is a question about insecurity. Nothing more. Nothing less.
I’m fishing here, but you get the idea.
There are any number of reasons why an individual will lead with his insecurities.
But all of them predate you and are probably pretty deep-seated.
Thus, there are only two cures for insecurity:
• Experience, in which your boyfriend can learn that the negative things he’s internalized about himself are not entirely true, shouldn’t define him, and are dragging him down.
You can’t force him to go through therapy, but if you’re a great girlfriend, you can have this very conversation with him and ask him why he continually insults the man you love.
He doesn’t believe the good stuff yet. But with your help, he might – and you’ll have a more attractive and confident boyfriend when you’re done.
Then just sit back and listen. And, whenever possible, give him all the positive reinforcement he needs.
Soon, he’ll see why a woman like you continues to choose him above all others.
He doesn’t believe the good stuff yet. But with your help, he might – and you’ll have a more attractive and confident boyfriend when you’re done.
The post What Can I Do to Make My Boyfriend Feel Better About Himself? appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..
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What To Do With a Good Man Who Is Not Romantic
It’s incredible how much of our behavior is determined by how we are raised.
I grew up in a family where my Mom made big deal about every holiday.
It wasn’t enough to say “I love you.” It wasn’t enough to give a card. It wasn’t enough to buy a thoughtful gift. You had to do ALL of them for EVERY holiday – birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, you name it.
As a result, I was brought up with the de facto mindset that this is how you treat women on special occasions. I never questioned it. As a result, I’ve been fortunate that, for whatever my considerable flaws (know-it-all, tactless, oversharer, impatient), being a thoughtful and generous husband is not one of them.
It doesn’t mean they’re bad. It doesn’t mean they’re cheap. It doesn’t mean they’re selfish. It just means that the grand romantic gesture is not a part of their vocabulary.
But lots of men didn’t get that memo. It doesn’t mean they’re bad. It doesn’t mean they’re cheap. It doesn’t mean they’re selfish. It just means that the grand romantic gesture is not a part of their vocabulary. They don’t want people making a big fuss about their birthdays and they don’t want to make a big fuss about yours.
It would be nice to say that he “should” go the extra mile “if he really loved you,” but as we all know, it’s not that simple to rewire your personality. Victoria Fedden, to her credit, realized this, in her piece for YourTango/The Good Men Project.
“At one point, my resentment grew so great that I began to dread birthdays, holidays and anniversaries because I knew I was going to be let down. One year, after yet another birthday disappointment, I finally realized that something had to change — and that something was me…
I mistakenly viewed television-style romance as concrete proof of true love. I believed that all men could be moved to extreme romantic measures if they really loved their lady. I didn’t measure up to some mysterious standard, I thought, and so I was never “good enough” for a proposal on the banks of the Seine. I came to believe that I must be unlovable. This belief became so ingrained that I began to view the world through a lens of unworthiness where every event, every little instance, became the proof I was looking for that I lacked the spark that would make a man shower me with treats and surprises. This couldn’t be farther from the truth.”
I think this is really powerful. All you have to do is look in the comments section below and see how many women and men blame the opposite sex for everything.
Looking internally about what you can do differently is SO much more effective than complaining that the world is not the way you want it to be.
Women are hypergamous and are always trying to date “up”!
Men are so interested in sex!
Women want men for their money!
Men are selfish for dating you if they don’t want to marry you!
These all have a basis in truth, but they’re not the whole truth – not by a long shot. Furthermore, complaining about it doesn’t change a thing. Are men going to complain their way into telling women that they should not care about money? Are women going to shame men into only having sex if, and only if, marriage is in the future? No and no.
This is why looking internally about what you can do differently is SO much more effective than complaining that the world is not the way you want it to be.
Writes Fedden, “I stopped looking for evidence that I was unlovable and started to focus on all the little, lovely things my husband does every single day to express his love for me — making me breakfast on the weekends, running a hot bath for me each night, working hard for our family, making future plans for us, texting me from work to see how I am, encouraging me and supporting me while I pursue my dreams, and never complaining when I want a girls’ night. The list is endless because my husband constantly expresses his love, even if it’s highly unlikely that he will ever compose sexy riddles or shock me with a whirlwind trip to South Africa for a glam safari.”
That’s right. And while I might be prone to over-the-top birthday fiestas for my wife, that’s not really the best measure of our love. Our marriage works because I make her feel safe, heard, and understood every day, and if you have a guy like that, do your best to appreciate what he does for you, instead of focusing on what he doesn’t.
Your thoughts, below, are appreciated.
The post What To Do With a Good Man Who Is Not Romantic appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..
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