He Said/She Said: March 2016

Thursday, 31 March 2016

Herpes Dating App MPWH Adds Fee-Based Services As It Zeroes In On Serious Dating Relationships

… looking to find real, lasting relationships rather than use the site … helping our users find meaningful relationships. Paying to use a dating …

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PenFed Credit Union Partners With CU Direct To Drive Auto Loans And Dealer Relationships

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Photos: A Glimpse At The Relics Of The Museum Of Broken Relationships

The Museum of Broken Relationships won't officially open … . The original Museum of Broken Relationships was founded in Zagreb, Croatia … submissions are from forsaken romantic relationships. One of the most heart-wrenching … .'s Museum of Broken Relationships will be located at 6751 …

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Lending platform CommonBond builds relationships with a customer base of creditworthy young professionals

By Matthew Flamm By the time David Klein co-founded the student-loan platform CommonBond, he had spent nearly a decade at McKinsey and American Express and was earning an M.B.A. at Wharton. That makes him sound like a conventional high-achiever, but he…

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Relationships and marriage popular

A couple swirling on the dance floor in Buerglen during an afternoon for pensioners (Keystone) More than three-quarters of people in Switzerland between the ages of 18 and 80 are in a relationship and most of these partners live together, a federal study …

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PenFed Credit Union Partners With CU Direct To Drive Auto Loans And Dealer Relationships

… brand and build strategic business relationships with auto dealers across the …

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Women Who Make First Move in Online Dating Are Rewarded, Study Finds

There’s a lot of mixed messaging when it comes to dating advice. Readers can search the Internet and find two pieces of guidance that directly contradict each other.

Is Tinder good or bad?

Does online dating work or not?

Should women ask out men on first dates?

Should women pay for the first date?

When is it appropriate to have sex for the first time?

The problem is that it’s nearly impossible for a single person in the modern dating world to form a coherent theory. That’s a big part of my job – to make sense of this contradictory advice and find the the through-line that ties together the best dating advice: is it effective or ineffective? Most people – and experts – offer emotional choices, based on how they would do things or how they would like to see things done. I try very hard to give advice that actually works, regardless of my feelings. If it works, I feel good about passing it along to you.

So, when there’s so much information out there that tells women to be feminine and receptive, when there are entire books which teach women to let men do the courting, when the core piece of my advice in “Why He Disappeared” is to “Do nothing,” how can anyone, with a straight face, claim that it’s smart for women to make the first move online? Doesn’t this contradict EVERYTHING?

With an interested guy, you don’t need to prop up the relationship yourself.

No. No, it doesn’t. And that’s really frustrating for folks like me who understand that different approaches work in different situations. For example, a guy can’t go up and make an aggressive first move after 10 at Starbucks; but if he’s on a third date with you and he hasn’t gone in for a kiss yet, he should probably get with the program.

So it is no contradiction to tell women that yes, you should let a man court you – call, plan, pay, and otherwise respond enthusiastically to his calls, emails and texts at the beginning… and ALSO be the first person to initiate contact online. Here’s the difference:

When you write to him first online, you’re making an introduction. It’s the equivalent of a guy saying something funny to you at the bar. You’re not complimenting him. You’re not asking him out. You’re not telling him how much you have in common. You’re literally writing a short, funny paragraph designed to break the ice. Now, the ball is in his court. From here on in, you don’t have to do anything except mirror his efforts. This is to prevent you from chasing him down, overfunctioning and being perceived as weak and needy. With an interested guy, you don’t need to prop up the relationship yourself.

But wait – by that logic, aren’t I saying that if a guy were interested, he would automatically write to you? NO! That’s the entire point. There were women on my JDate favorites list for TEN YEARS that I never wrote to. Why? Because I was writing to other women, and other women were writing to me. So did I find them attractive? Yes. Would I have responded if they wrote to me first? Yes. Did I ever meet them? No. There was always something else more pressing – or someone else more aggressive or entertaining.

If you’re dissatisfied with the quantity or quality of men in your inbox, the answer is simple: take control of your own love life.

So, please do yourself the favor of reading this latest OkCupid study, which validates everything I’ve said for 13 years. Just because you get emails from guys does not mean that they are the men that you want. If you’re dissatisfied with the quantity or quality of men in your inbox, the answer is simple: take control of your own love life. Write a great profile. Write a cute email to one new guy a day that YOU choose. While you may only get 30% of men to write back, they will at least be men that you desire, as opposed to passively waiting for the right men to write to you.

Don’t know where to begin? Don’t know what to write in a profile or an email that makes guys want to write back?

Click here and I’ll take care of you.

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.

The post Women Who Make First Move in Online Dating Are Rewarded, Study Finds appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

This Nottingham life coach promises to change your relationships

… written a book, Enrich Your Relationships, which has been translated into … members with their family relationships, but also relationships with their close friends … been helping corporations improve their relationships with their employees, including her …

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Life coach quits Swiss job to help improve your relationships

Utilities Leveraging the Internet of Things for Managed Services are Positioned to Develop Trusted Advisory Relationships with Customers, According to Navigant Research

… door to deeper and ongoing relationships with residential and commercial customers … positioned to develop trusted advisory relationships with customers. “IoT can help … ongoing advisory and managed services relationships to gain better insight into …

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Wednesday, 30 March 2016

Ghosting in relationships: 78 per cent of millennials have had had it done to them

If you've ever been dating someone, only for that person to suddenly vanish into thin air, and stop replying to your messages and calls, you're not alone. For today's tech generation there's even a term for it. Ghosting. And it was back in …

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Technology’s negative impact on relationships highlighted

… leaving an impact on inter-personal relationships, especially with the elderly. Inaugurating …

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Small Business: Supplier relationships - Amy-Rose Goulding, Julian Danger

… to business owners about supplier relationships Amy-Rose Goulding is the founder … a barrier to building your relationships with your suppliers? Communicating with … helps your relationships massively. How has strengthening your supplier relationships ultimately benefited …

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Supplier relationships - Amy-Rose Goulding, Julian Danger

Lantana Bleu, Erotic Romance Author and Former Luxury Escort Claims Online Porn Addiction is Destroying Men’s Libidos and Ruining Relationships

… sexuality and in turn, romantic relationships, due to an addiction few …

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Education Expert: Alabama ground zero for inappropriate student-teacher sexual relationships

… ;ve conducted of inappropriate sexual relationships between students and teachers. As … not to engage in illegal relationships with students. Community backlash forced … are convicted of illegal sexual relationships with students automatically lose their …

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PITTSBURGH (AP) - One of three teachers charged with having inappropriate sexual relationships with students at a western Pennsylvania high school has pleaded guilty and been sentenced to 1½ to 3 years in prison.

… charged with having inappropriate sexual relationships with students at a western … last year with having inappropriate relationships with female students. A fourth …

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4 key relationships pastors and church leaders must maintain

… relationships. In any other profession, things still work out even if relationships … one wife, obedient children, good relationships with church members and outsiders … ministerial work. Here are four relationships that all pastors and church … the world As important as relationships with church members are, a …

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Confused about relationships? Elasticsearch gets graphic

Graph-database-style relationship mapping has been added to an offspring of the Elasticsearch open-source search engine. Elasticsearch startup Elastic has added Graph capabilities to both the search engine and to the data visualisation plug-in Kibana. …

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Relationships, not heavy-handed policing, help reduce terrorist threat in US

… police department. Because of its relationships with residents, Muslims now report … enforcement personnel have built up relationships of trust,” she said. That …

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Can Millennials Have Great Romantic Relationships?

… romantic relationships" your get results like, Millennials Are Killing Relationships and … Relationships I want to have a different conversation about millennials and relationships … Millennials Face in Relationships When it comes to our relationships, we can …

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Chris Brown: Focus On Your Own Relationships and Not Kehlani

… for toxic and overall horrible relationships. His relationship with R… he can comment on the relationships of other people? I…

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6 Problems That Test Relationships, According To Couples Therapists

… experience countless hurdles throughout their relationships, some more common than others … “you complete me” approach to relationships. When couples have to depend …

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New One-tap Moment-sharing App, Tapstack, Helps Users Stay in Close, Daily Contact & Take Their Relationships Deeper

… anyone interested in taking their relationships with friends and family deeper … for people in long distance relationships, expats and those studying abroad … , over time, to actually deepen relationships, " says Faber. "It …

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How to Date with Confidence When You’re Not Really Feeling It

How to Date with Confidence When You're Not Really Feeling It

After a lifetime of disappointing men, questionable choices and broken hearts, it’s tempting to want to give up on love forever. In this episode of the Love U Podcast, I’m going to tell you an inspirational story of why it’s important to persevere and how quickly your romantic fortunes can turn around.

The post How to Date with Confidence When You’re Not Really Feeling It appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

Tuesday, 29 March 2016

Local mother brings in speaker to discuss healthy relationships with children

… to parents who struggle with relationships with their kids but who …

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Small Business: Supplier relationships - Craig Hopkins, Edesia

… to business owners about supplier relationships Craig Hopkins is a director … online, and most of those relationships are directly with the producers … help you effectively manage your relationships with your suppliers? The food … ; problems or issues strengthens our relationships. Because we're talking …

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Supplier relationships - Craig Hopkins, Edesia

Small Business: Supplier relationships - Craig Hopkins, Edesia

Accuen CEO Pagliuca: Header Bidding Will Accelerate Trend Of Direct Programmatic Relationships (VIDEO)

… media buying involving more direct relationships between advertisers/agencies and publishers--a … and agencies have direct relationships with publishers. Direct relationships has always been …

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The Third Space: Championing Relationships by Integrating Technology

… way of strengthening and deepening relationships. A work in progress, 100 … experimenting with technology to build relationships throughout their organizations, instead of … can use technology to strengthen relationships across your organization, here are …

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CAN LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS LAST?

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Dr. June Hall: Can long distance relationships last?

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How to guide teen girls through love, relationships

… on casual sex, love and relationships. She interviewed more than 70 …

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New Book ~ Building Loving Relationships that Last Forever ~ Divine Romance & Perfect Partnership!

… , please provide a street address.) RELATIONSHIPS THAT LAST FOREVER! (Standing the … and throughout your most cherished relationships, and make your most heart-felt … sublime qualities that exist in relationships, sanctified in Divine Purpose and …

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BioHiTech Global Appoints Dennis Soriano as Director of Business Development & Strategic Relationships

… of business development & strategic relationships to expand the company… continue expanding on our existing relationships while introducing new sales channels … along with experience building commercial relationships will make him a great …

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Why ‘ghosting’ haunts modern relationships

Name: Ghosting. Age: The word – new-ish, the concept – ageless. Appearance: Immaterial. Geddit? Ah, wait, I know this one! Is it clean eating until you look like a ghost? Or die of boredom and actually become a ghost? No. It’s when you’re going out with …

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Monday, 28 March 2016

Supplier relationships - Jason Anderson, Hort Air Services

… to business owners about supplier relationships Jason Anderson is the owner … I've developed personal relationships with them too. They… because I have those personal relationships I have the mobile phone …

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Small Business: Supplier relationships - Jason Anderson, Hort Air Services

Romping Into Relationships and the Power of Play

I'm from California, and when I think of romance, in my mind, I see dolphins leaping in tandem across our beautiful Pacific Ocean. There is a playfulness in their togetherness, a synchronicity of movement, a deft understanding of each other, and …

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How Relationships Can Be a Catalyst for Growth in Consciousness

… easily seen in relationship coaching. Relationships provide us with a natural …

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How You Can Know When a Guy is NOT Right for You

I read your blog and find all the advice quite useful. However, there is one issue I still can’t seem to wrap my head around. How do you KNOW when the guy is not right for you? You consistently state that we should dump a guy if he isn’t meeting our needs and although I agree 100%, how do we know that it isn’t partly our fault he isn’t?

Here’s my story in brief. I met a wonderful, kind, ethical, generous, loving, honest, attractive man. We had chemistry. Nothing crazy, but it felt nice and comfortable. At the beginning he did all those little things. Texts to say he was thinking of me. Calling me a pet name. Interacting with me on my blog, etc. He took his time with sex and made me feel like I was the center of the universe. He was never really a talkative guy (except about himself) and didn’t really ask me any questions, but we would at least sit and have chats at the beginning. I was always concerned about the amount of emotional intimacy he was capable of having.

When he moved in with me it all went downhill. Slowly it all stopped. I THOUGHT I was trying to communicate to him that I wasn’t getting my needs met. I would say, “it would be really nice if you even asked me how my day was, not because I care about the question, but because it shows you are interested in me”. He would say, “I don’t do small talk”. His love language is touch. I would make an effort to give him a hug while he was shaving or grab his hand in the car and always reciprocated. When I told him, “I understand that your love language is touch, mine is not” he didn’t say anything. Unfortunately at the time I wasn’t sure what mine was and now I know it is quality time.

We did the typical dance. We both knew he was moving and as he pulled away I became more insecure. I tried to pretend everything was o.k. I stopped sharing my feelings. I know I made the mistake of not being vulnerable or open enough. I didn’t feel like he was listening or that he cared. So, I ended things when he moved out of state by saying, “you used to do A, B, C and D. Those things made me feel happy and safe and secure and you don’t do them anymore. I need that. If you want to do those things then give me a call and if not, then we should just stay apart.”

In one of your blogs you stated that we should say something like this: “I really care about you, but I’m not getting my needs met here. This is too inconsistent for me and I need to feel safe.” Is this what I said or was it an ineffective communication?

I’m still conflicted and having second thoughts. Did I end thing prematurely without communicating concisely what my needs were or was my intuition correct and he had no desire to meet my needs? How do you know if HE is the problem or your issues (inability to effectively communicate, some minor insecurities, etc.) are the problem?? I guess, as a woman I always feel the need to try to fix everything and I feel like if I had just done some things differently HE would have reacted differently. But, I’m not sure that is true and that is the struggle. How do you know their TRUE nature without wasting a ton of time?

Carrie

This is the million-dollar question, isn’t it?

There’s what he’s doing wrong. There’s what you’re doing wrong.

You want to take responsibility for your share of things, but he’s not doing the same thing.

You want to save your relationship, but you’re not sure your partner is willing to do the work.

You feel sick inside because you know he’s pulling away, and the more he pulls away, the more weak, needy and desperate you become.

You break up and when the dust settles you don’t know how much blame to assume.

Your ex-boyfriend – for whatever his charms – was selfish, insensitive, and tone-deaf to his girlfriend’s needs. That’s his personality.

You don’t know what you can learn from this experience.

You don’t trust that you won’t make the same exact mistakes again.

Does that sound about right?

This stuff can make you even sadder and crazier than you already were, which is why, right now, I want to take away all of that confusion forever.

There is a very simple answer to your question and I’m going to give it to you right now.

Is it possible that you can stand to improve your communication? Of course. Anxious people often vacillate between feeling like a doormat/silently seething and blowing up with “protest behavior” at a man’s minor transgression. I can’t tell you whether you did that.

What I can tell you – and, frankly, what any objective third party can tell you – is that your boyfriend failed the most basic of boyfriend tests:

He dismissed your emotional requests. Per relationship expert John Gottman, such requests are called “bids” and couples that “turn towards” their partners’ bids have much stronger relationships. Your boyfriend turned away from your bid.

You asked him to consider your love language. He told you he didn’t do small talk.

You wanted to escalate your intimacy. He chose to move out of state.

And yet, somehow, you’re still beating yourself up inside and trying to take the blame.
Maybe you drove him out of state. Maybe if you were a better girlfriend, he would have wanted to give you quality time and words of affirmation.

That’s bullshit.

He will be that way to his next girlfriend and to his eventual wife as well.

Your ex-boyfriend – for whatever his charms – was selfish, insensitive, and tone-deaf to his girlfriend’s needs. That’s his personality. He will be that way to his next girlfriend and to his eventual wife as well. I can only hope that she reads this column, recognizes herself and gets out before she, too, thinks she’s at fault when her boyfriend isn’t carrying his weight.

This question is the central question of Love U – my comprehensive coaching course that helps women understand men, set healthy boundaries, and create lasting love. When you’re done, you will never again wonder what you did wrong to drive a man away. To the contrary, you’ll feel more confident than you’ve ever been before, and know when it’s time to cut off the guy who fails to make you happy.

Click here to learn how to gain confidence, set healthy boundaries and create lasting love.

The post How You Can Know When a Guy is NOT Right for You appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

Woman-to-Woman, Building Relationships Through Common Experiences

If it wasn't for their similar struggles, Evelyne Momplaisir and Julianne Bond would never have become good friends. The two connected while Momplaisir received chemotherapy, a journey Bond took more than a decade earlier. "Even in that …

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Sunday, 27 March 2016

Pupils in Ampthill first to watch play about domestic abuse in teenage relationships

… about domestic abuse in teenage relationships. Teenagers from Redborne Upper School … in follow-up sessions about healthy relationships in their PSHE lessons. The … behaviour and explore what healthy relationships should look like.” Claire Moore …

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Supplier relationships - Laurie Matthews, Indigo

… to business owners about supplier relationships Laurie Matthews is a director … the main challenges to maintaining relationships with your suppliers? They… owners wanting to maintain strong relationships with suppliers? • Visit your suppliers …

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5 Ways To Enhance Your Relationships

… to one singular issue - relationships. There are misunderstandings, miscommunication, and … ;t exactly feeling valued. Strong relationships are essential to health and … , hobbies, and at home. Healthy relationships can reduce stress, prolong life … us. Want to enhance your relationships? Here are five strategies to …

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Supplier relationships - Laurie Matthews, Indigo

Small Business: Supplier relationships - Laurie Matthews, Indigo

Companies urged to build good relationships with chiefs

… urged companies to build good relationships with chiefs. He said a …

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Long Island: From Relationships to Murder and Mayhem

… explored friendships, families and other relationships. Mr. Begley’s editor, Nan …

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6 Ways to Warm Up Website Leads, Build Relationships & Increase Conversion

… previous tips: Take Your Client Relationships and Conversion to the Next … Relationships? Explore 6 proven ways to warm up website leads, build relationships … up your website leads, build relationships with your prospects, and – therefore … Warm Up Website Leads, Build Relationships and Increase Your Conversion” today …

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Saturday, 26 March 2016

Arts | Long Island: From Relationships to Murder and Mayhem

… explored friendships, families and other relationships. Mr. Begley’s editor, Nan …

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How a harmonica man reaches Alaska kids with music and relationships

BETHEL – Years ago, up in the far north of Canada, harmonica man Mike Stevens found some kids clutching plastic bags of gasoline and huffing the wicked fumes to get high. The disturbing encounter in the Labrador village of Sheshatshiu recalibrated a life …

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From Relationships to Murder and Mayhem

… explored friendships, families and other relationships. Mr. Begley’s editor, Nan …

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Jennifer Lopez Reflects on Relationships With Ben Affleck and Marc Anthony

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Jennifer Lopez Reflects on Relationships With Ben Affleck and Marc Anthony

… Lopez has had many headline-making relationships. Still, fans can't …

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5 Ways to Enhance Relationships

5 companies building relationships with Cuba

… in the door as trade relationships with Cuba are starting to …

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Forty Fort Lube & Service builds relationships with customers

Pastor Bob Kopp was visiting his family in Forty Fort for just a few days this winter when he had problems with his new car. On the advice of his parents, the Illinois resident and King’s College grad didn’t end up at a national chain to get fixed up. …

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Here’s the deal on open relationships

… . When it comes to open relationships, the free love of the … is involved in open relationships. For poly relationships to really work, you … you decide what kinds of relationships are OK? What rules will … . In the world of human relationships, nothing is natural. Nothing. Just …

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Joshua Schlinskys SafeSecure Financial Solutions Driven By Personal Relationships Education and Trust

(MENAFN Press) Providing Security Consistency and Predictability The South Florida Based Advisor Helps Retirees And Pre-Retirees Across The U.S. Overcome the Anxiety of Retirement Hollywood FL – March 24 2016 - Several powerful philosophies are at the …

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Friday, 25 March 2016

Former TTU professor suspended, accused of sexual relationships with students

… into Bradley and his inappropriate relationships with at least four students … resigned. Bradley repeatedly denied any relationships with students and according to … students in his department. These relationships violated Texas Tech University Operating …

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5 Ways To Get More Intimacy In Your Relationships

… who maintain close and intimate relationships. Being uninhibited emotionally and capable … this study had few close relationships and then, in their 70 … the quality of our close relationships. Instead of putting all of … developing more warm and close relationships. 2. Pay Attention To Emotions …

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Can Introverts and Extroverts Work as a Couple?

Introverts are imaginative, thoughtful, and sensitive. But in a world where you have only a a few hours make a first impression, taking time to warm up to strangers is a distinct challenge. So how should introverts date? Should they pair with extroverts or stick with other introverts who recharge by being alone? Tune in to find out.

The post Can Introverts and Extroverts Work as a Couple? appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

10 ways to salvage bad client relationships

… (and/or prevent) troubled client relationships. Of course, there may be … any discord in your client relationships? How did you resolve your …

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Thursday, 24 March 2016

In Good Faith: Nurturing relationships during in Spring

… . But as with the deepest relationships, when we do get together … really matter in life — the relationships that define us and shape … encourage you to nurture the relationships that mean the most in …

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Relationships Are Another Name for Catastrophe

Image Credit: Lauren R., Edmond, OK The author's comments: The ongoing constant flamboyant , peculiar and abominable pretentious realtionships by my peers college compelled me to compose this peice of literary work. I guess it could mke a difference. …

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Garry Shandling’s 7 Funniest Lines About Relationships (Photos)

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Hook Ups, Blind Dates, or Good Relationships: What’s your dating style when it comes to digital ads on TV?

Written on Mar 24, 2016 Author Scott Tomlin | Brands, Don’t Let TV Enter the Cheesy Digital Dating Scene. Brands use silly metrics to cobble together “premium” digital media plans because most media buyers are more interested in spending the full budget …

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'Phubbing' Is Ruining American Relationships

… institution of marriage (and romantic relationships in general) is under attack … hinder rather than foster satisfying relationships among romantic partners. Yeesh.

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Snapchat Is Helping Teens In Abusive Relationships Get Help

… platform for teenagers in abusive relationships. Realizing how challenging it often … important for those in abusive relationships, especially for teens and young …

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Are You a Narcissist? Evidently, I Am!

Are You a Narcissist- Evidently I Am

So here I am, reading my New York Times on Sunday, when I come across a piece by Arthur C. Brooks. Along with David Brooks (not related), they are two of the few conservative columnists for the Grey Lady, and, for my money, they are the two most thought-provoking writers as well. Instead of delving into strictly politics, both Brookses focus on the foibles and inconsistencies of human behavior, which I find personally fascinating as a dating coach.

The rise of Donald Trump has inspired a thousand thinkpieces, but Brooks’ latest on narcissism gave me food for thought.

“If our egos are obese with amour-propre, social media can indeed serve up the empty emotional carbs we crave. Instagram and the like doesn’t create a narcissist, but studies suggest it acts as an accelerant — a near ideal platform to facilitate what psychologists call “grandiose exhibitionism.” No doubt you have seen this in others, and maybe even a little of it in yourself as you posted a flattering selfie — and then checked back 20 times for “likes.”

A healthy self-love that leads to true happiness is what Rousseau called “amour de soi.” It builds up one’s intrinsic well-being, as opposed to feeding shallow cravings to be admired. Cultivating amour de soi requires being fully alive at this moment, as opposed to being virtually alive while wondering what others think. The soulful connection with another person, the enjoyment of a beautiful hike alone (not shared on Facebook) or a prayer of thanks over your sleeping child (absent a #blessed tweet) could be considered expressions of amour de soi.”

I wrestle with this a lot. Put bluntly, I do not like social media. I don’t get the point of Twitter. I refuse to get on Instagram. I don’t want to post photos of my kids for strangers to see. You’ll notice I never use their names, nor the name of my wife in anything I write. I am a private person who happens to have a public job. I would much rather be rich than famous. When I was in Project Greenlight in 2001, I was actually afraid of winning – that’s how much I didn’t want to star in an HBO documentary, directing my own movie, with my flaws on display for the world.

Put bluntly, I do not like social media. And yet here I am: 57,000 Facebook fans, 11,700 Twitter followers…

And yet here I am: 60,000 Facebook fans, 12,000 Twitter followers, and a new Love U podcast/YouTube channel that I’ve just launched. And I’m ambivalent about all of it. I love to share my opinions and am willing to share personal stories if they can help you find love, but cringe at the idea of being “that guy” – the one who posts selfies of him and the Dalai Lama or Richard Branson with the hashtag #blessed.

Then I got to the end of Brooks’ anti-narcissist diatribe:

First, take the Narcissistic Personality Inventory test. If you got a “great score” like my son’s friend, perhaps it’s time to reflect a little. Ask, “Is this the person I want to be?”

Second, get rid of the emotional junk food that is feeding any unhealthy self-obsession. Make a list of opinions to disregard — especially those of flatterers and critics — and review the list each day. Resolve not to waste a moment trying to impress others, but rather to treat them (and yourself) with kindness, whether it is earned or not.

Third, go on a social media fast. Post to communicate, praise and learn — never to self-promote. What have you got to lose? Only your distorted, reflected self.

Well, I can’t go on a social media fast. Sorry, I have a business to run.

I do disregard the opinions of critics (and take the flatterers in stride).

I don’t spend time trying to impress others, and generally go the extra mile to be kind. So I’ve got that going for me. Which is nice.

The one thing I hadn’t done is take the Narcissistic Personality Inventory test. So I did.

Here are my results

Narcissitic Personality Inventory Image

Yes, my narcissism scores were in the 70th percentile. I’m not terribly surprised. But in my defense, it is an unusual and seemingly flawed test.

Narcissism tracks really highly with confidence.
If you take the test, you’ll see that you’re forced to choose between two options, neither of which represent what you actually think. Ex.

“I insist on getting the respect that’s due me” vs. “I usually get the respect that I deserve.”

3. There are other questions where I felt both answers were true:

“I am more capable than other people” vs “I think there’s a lot I can learn from other people.”

“The thought of ruling the world scares the hell out of me” vs “If I ran the world, it would be a better place.”

I gave the test to some women in my Love U Course and the results were all over the map. Women who scored highly, like me, immediately went into damage control mode.

I got a 27. Yep, a 27.

As a therapist, I have to say that true narcissism has NOTHING to do with confidence. Or self love. It’s one of the most misused concepts in our culture that most therapists worth their salt get really annoyed at.

There’s an important part of the myth that never gets talked about. That’s Echo. Narcissus wasn’t falling in love with himself. Echo showed him himself and he fell in love with Echo. When she disappeared, he felt that he CEASED TO EXIST. So a truly “narcissistic” person is riddled with self doubt and low self-esteem. They literally feel they cease to exist if they are not perfectly mirrored.

So a narcissistic person makes it all about them because their ego cannot handle not being mirrored. This is the opposite of confidence and the opposite of self – love. The narcissist hides behind the false self that acts like it’s the best thing in the world, a leader, the top of the heap. But not too far beneath the surface, the narcissist does not believe they are worth anything. That’s why if you don’t mirror them, they get wicked pissed off.

I am confident and I do love myself, but please please, do not confuse narcissism with confidence. It’s fake confidence that’s as flimsy as a paper mask. Evan, if you were narcissistic, you’d never be able to do this work. You would never be able to handle all the criticism you get. You’d only continue with your work as long as people told you you were great.

People with narcissistic personality disorder are wounded, sad, fearful, and stuck at about age 2.

People who are highly confident (and may score high on this test) are probably….highly confident and yes, a bit full of themselves.

What she said.

Your thoughts, below, are always greatly appreciated.

The post Are You a Narcissist? Evidently, I Am! appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

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