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Is Honesty Always the Best Policy When Not Accepting a Second Date?

Thanks for your advice! I’ve made many of my gal pals start to follow you and read your articles/blogs! I haven’t heard of one of them not liking/disagreeing with the information that they read! Since listening to your CDs (Finding the One Online), ebook (Why He Disappeared), I have put myself back out there on the online platform. I have created a profile and have had more emails/phone calls/dates within the last month than I have had in the last few months. It’s a breath of fresh air to meet others that I wouldn’t have met if I wasn’t on-line.

Like most of your readers, I am a strong, independent woman who likes the alpha male persona and am working on many of the things that strong, successful, independent women tend to need assistance with when dating. I was recently on a second date with at guy (the first date was good; good conversation, tried to figure out if I was attracted to him or not, had fun, etc.). He asked me out for a second date and I accepted. But during the second date I realized that I wasn’t at the same level as he was with me. He asked me if “I dated a lot” (we met on Match.com) and told me that I was “the third girl in the last year that he asked out on a second date” (pedestal principle??). He told me that his mother raised him to not date more than one person at a time. I was sitting there sipping my beer wondering what I was supposed to say to these statements after only knowing this guy for a total of maybe 5 hours of my life. I thanked him for his honesty and thanked him for the two dates. I then tried my best to express my true feelings without being a jerk and explained that I wasn’t sure where I fell but I knew that I wasn’t on the same level as he was. His body posture completely changed, told me that we really didn’t have a lot in common, refused my offers to split the bill, and basically told me to leave as he was going to grab a cab after he paid the bill.

I’ve been on the receiving end of this speech and it stinks! My question is this: How do we decline said alpha male offers for second dates, etc.? I know that I would want someone to be honest with me and we all know that honesty can hurt. I’m trying to be honest and not do the “fade away” and not talk to them (which has happened to me many times). Is honesty the best policy when it comes to not being that into the alpha male that you’re on a date with? What are some tips/strategies to best go about this topic?

Thanks Evan and looking forward to your thoughts and advice!

-Michelle

There’s a lot in this question, and I’m not even sure where to begin.

First of all, it’s not remotely apparent that your date was an “alpha” male.

A) You ARE attracted to the alpha male because he’s so blindly confident in himself that it never occurs to him that you wouldn’t like him. The fact that you weren’t sure if you were attracted to him tells me that he probably wasn’t that alpha.
B) His behavior plays as insecure, not alpha. Asking you who you were dating after two dates? Pressuring you to commit to him? Dropping in mentions of his mom’s philosophy on dating? Alpha males have harems. This guy just had an unrequited crush.

You’re going to have to discuss it with him and answer his questions, when there’s really nothing to say, other than “I’m not feeling it.”

But classifying what kind of guy you just rejected was not your real question. You wanted to know the best way to reject a guy. I’m sure I wrote about it before, but I’m too lazy to look it up and link to it. So here goes:

Try the truth.

I find it’s the easiest thing to remember, and people tend to appreciate it since it’s so rarely given.

There are generally two scenarios for a guy asking you out on an unwanted date.

He’ll either do it ON the date or AFTER the date.

If he does it on the date, I would tell him to follow up with you later this week when you’re in front of your work calendar. This doesn’t contradict “the truth”; if anything, it buys you time so you don’t have to stab him in the chest while he’s on the date with you. Then, you can hug him good bye, say you had fun, and when he says he’ll follow up with you later, you say “great.” That’s just being polite.

Now, when you get home, you can write him an email with the honest version of what you’re really feeling. Maybe send it out the next day.

Dear Andy,

Thanks for taking me out last night. The food was delicious and the conversation was excellent. I really appreciate it. However, I’m not feeling the chemistry necessary to move things to the next level. I think you’re a really great and you’re going to make some woman very happy one day. Best of luck in your search.

Jessica

Ta-da! Problem solved.

Now, if a guy presses you on the date to give him an answer to whether he’s going to see you again, and you’re not feeling it and can’t get out of it, the same answer applies. Problem is, you’re trapped and you’re going to have to discuss it with him and answer his questions, when there’s really nothing to say, other than “I’m not feeling it.”

Treat men the way you’d want to be treated, and you’ll probably do a pretty fair job of letting them down easy.

In short, the best rejection policy is to write him an email proactively, the day after the date, regardless of whether he’s asked you out or not.

The worst rejection policy is to a) ignore him and hope he gets the hint or b) to volunteer WHY you don’t like him directly on the date, which is kind of scarring.

In other words, treat men the way you’d want to be treated, and you’ll probably do a pretty fair job of letting them down easy.

The post Is Honesty Always the Best Policy When Not Accepting a Second Date? appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

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Why Women Shouldn’t Pursue Sex (According to Science, Not Me!)

Sex is a fun topic to write about and I’ve written a LOT about it.

But this piece by Ann Friedman in New York magazine is so spot on that I wish I had written it myself. It’s about whether women should be passive when it comes to pursuing sex, even when their biology insists that their desire is as strong as male desire.

Friedman, reporting on Daniel Bergner’s new book, “What Do Women Want?: Adventures in the Science of Female Desire,” starts by asserting that we’ve been brainwashed:

“Men and women have been barraged with the message that women are not naughty by nature. They are thought of as hardwired to hunt for a partner and a mate, while men pursue sex as a pleasurable act in and of itself. It follows from there that women — at least good women — must be pursued and coaxed into sex, and men enjoy the thrill of the chase.”

There’s plenty of evidence for that, as women prefer to be asked out, have men make the first move, and are particularly turned on by their partners’ desire for them. But then again, if women like sex just as much as men, why can’t they pursue it in the same way?

And this is where society – for better or worse – kicks in. I’m a reality-based dating coach. I don’t make the rules. I observe them. And I’ve observed the same Catch-22 that Friedman and Bergner have reported on below:

“Women want sex, and in particular, they want sex with people who really want them. But socially, many straight men still find it a turnoff when women are sexual aggressors. Which means that, for women, aggressively pursuing the thing they want actually leads to them not getting it….

If women like sex just as much as men, why can’t they pursue it in the same way?

For example, women and men overwhelmingly state that men are supposed to plan dates, ask out the woman, and pick her up. Moreover, when women do not adhere to these scripts they are viewed negatively. For example, women who initiate dates are viewed by men as more promiscuous and not interested in forming a serious relationship.” …We’ve already established that females of all species are interested in sex for pleasure. But in the human realm, that simple, fundamental motivation is all too easily labeled as “sluttiness,” or some sort of deep desperation wrought by singledom.”

Yep, that’s about right. Again, I’m not endorsing this – just observing it. As a self-proclaimed slut who started most of his relationships by hopping into bed and dealing with the fall-out, I hold no judgment for anyone who does the same.

But since my forte is helping smart, strong, successful women understand men and find love, we can’t ignore the reality of the situation, outlined by Friedman:

“This catch-22 presents women with a few options, none of which are appealing. You can directly pursue a man, but only if you want to convey that you’re only in it for sex. You can choose not to pursue him, but then you’re relegated to this historic, passive role that doesn’t jibe with your active, considered approach to any other area of life, be it work or real estate or even friendship….“According to these women, their professional background is already intimidating to many men and they feel as though asking them out would make them less attractive and even more intimidating,” she says. “The men I interview also state that they prefer to be the individual who initiates the date and at times find women who ask them out to be more aggressive.”

Yes, gender roles are changing, even if our biology is not. Which is why I give the advice I give, which sounds more “traditional” than you’d expect from liberal.

Men: Plan, pay, court, follow up, and make a consistent effort. (Most) women really appreciate when a guy takes the lead.

Women: Let men do this instead of doing it yourself. Not because you CAN’T, but because, on the whole, men don’t find it appealing when you call him, ask him out, pay for him, initiate sex, and follow up with him. That’s usually his job.

Usually.

“More and more men are finding it difficult to be as direct, when it comes to dating and sex, as previous generations of men maybe once were,” says Chiara Atik, author of Modern Dating: A Field Guide. “Everyone’s being kind of wishy-washy. Women want sex, but they don’t want to be seen as forward (or worse, desperate). Men want sex but are intimidated, unconfident, or don’t want to be seen as domineering. We’re not sure who should be the sexual instigators, and then no one really steps up to the plate.”

If you’re going to throw out all the rules and suggest that there are no roles for men and women whatsoever, you have no right to suggest a new standard operating procedure. The procedure in a genderless world is “no procedure”.

That’s what we’re seeing right now. And it doesn’t seem like women like the results.

Which is why I strongly differ with the author’s conclusion:

“We all get that the rules of traditional courtship — in which men make every single advance and women demur or acquiesce — are dead, but we haven’t replaced them with a new standard operating procedure.”

In my opinion, if you’re going to throw out all the rules and suggest that there are no roles for men and women whatsoever, you have no right to suggest a new standard operating procedure. The procedure in a genderless world is “no procedure”.

Frankly, I think that most women seem to really like it when a man acts with confidence and decisiveness – when he calls, plans, pays, initiates sex, and follows up.

What do you think? Is men acting like men old-school and patriarchal? Is women allowing men to take the lead disempowering and passive?

Your thoughts, below, are appreciated.

The post Why Women Shouldn’t Pursue Sex (According to Science, Not Me!) appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

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My Boyfriend Is A Jewish Atheist And Wants His Children Raised Jewish. Should I Convert?

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We’re both in our early 20s and very committed to each other, though neither of us wants to get married until we’re more financially secure. There is nothing that would make us break up except for possibly the question of religion, and I’m determined not to let that happen.

I really love this guy. I don’t particularly care one way or the other about what religion we raise any potential children, as long as we teach them to think for themselves and be intelligent, ethical people. And we celebrate Christmas (not in a religious way, just in a Santa Claus way–it used to be a Pagan holiday after all). That’s it.

He wants to raise Jewish children because it’s important to him to pass on the traditions he was raised with. He doesn’t keep kosher, pray, keep Shabbat, go to shul, or wear a kippah. I have seen more Woody Allen movies than him and probably speak more Yiddish.

But I know a thing or two about Jewish law and I know that any children of mine would not be considered Jewish unless I were to convert. This is a major source of tension within his family, and I’ve actually overheard his mother say things to him about how I can’t be a “serious girlfriend” because I’m not Jewish.

My question is: since I don’t really care one way or the other, should I think about converting to Judaism for him in the long run, even though he isn’t religious himself?

I’ve read online that converting requires living in accordance with strict Jewish standards to satisfy both the Rabbi and the Bet Din, and it seems that those standards wouldn’t be things he is comfortable with in his own Jewish practice. On the other hand, I like his family and don’t want to cause undue tension there, my dad thinks it would be hilarious if I were to become Jewish, my mom has said she doesn’t care, and I know the idea of Jewish children is important to my boyfriend.

Does it make sense to look into this process and consider conversion even though he isn’t himself religious? Is that dishonest? It seems rather unfair of him to not be a practicing Jew himself but to want to have his children be Jewish but also to not want to go with me to things like Shabbat dinner. I’m just not sure how I’m supposed to navigate this. Help?!

Sincerely,

Confused Semi-Shiksa

You sure came to the right place.

Before I get started in sharing my very personal feelings about this topic, I want to frame this post by saying that if you disagree with anything I’m saying, that’s absolutely okay. Just spare me the shouting. Every couple has to create its own compromises and I’m outlining one that worked for me in a similar situation.

First, a little education for my many non-Jewish readers:

There are 800 million Protestants in the world
There are 1.2 billion Catholics in the world
There are 1.6 billion Muslims in the world

There are 13.9 million Jews in the world (0.2% of the population)

In the United States, which has the second biggest Jewish population outside of Israel, the percentage of Jews is only 2%.

So when people ask “What’s the big deal about being Jewish?” there’s your answer. Jews have been persecuted for millennia, they do not proselytize, and outside Orthodox families, they rarely have a lot of children. As a result, there is a danger that the religion might disappear from the planet – which is why secular Jews are pretty sensitive when people ask them why they care about being Jewish.

Next, Jews, on the whole, have a different relationship with their religion than most other religions. On the whole, Jews question their religion but value the culture and history of their people.

1. 22% of Jews by birth don’t consider themselves having any religion.

2. For most assimilated Jews in America, being Jewish is far more about culture than religion. 62% of U.S. Jews feel that way, vs. only 15% who feel that it’s mainly a matter of religion.

3. The intermarriage rate between Jews and non-Jews is up to 58%, from 17% in 1970.

In short:

There are a lot of agnostic/atheist/cultural Jews. 75% of them marry outside the religion, thus making the already dwindling numbers dwindle even further.

His family has no vote. “Jewish law” has no vote. The only vote that matters is what makes you happy as a couple.

My own anecdotal evidence reveals something similar. I have four older male cousins; all of them married Catholic women. My four best friends from college are Jewish; they all married gentiles as well.

For each of us, being Jewish is a cultural thing – far more akin to being black or Greek or Italian, than to being, say, Presbyterian. The same way African-Americans can nod and assume they “get” each other based on a similar upbringing, so can Jews. This identity – formed by years of persecution, education, values, rituals and shared sense of humor – is extremely powerful, and needs to be intellectually separated from the religion itself.

My wife – who spent 12 years in Catholic school – didn’t understand that when she met me. And she was surprised, when, after six months, I let her know that if we were going to continue the relationship, I wanted to raise the kids Jewish.

It could have been a breaking point. Instead, it was an easy compromise.

• My wife agreed to raise the kids Jewish.

• I agreed to allow her to teach the kids a concept of God – even though I don’t believe in it myself.

• I didn’t ask my wife to convert, because who am I to tell her what she should believe in private?

That was our solution, and it’s worked out extremely well for us.

Our kids go to preschool at a conservative temple across the street, where my wife has been embraced by the community. She is actively involved in social planning and takes great pride in witnessing our kids getting a sense of the Jewish culture.

I sometimes bristle when my kids mention God or say a prayer before a meal, but I always realize that my wife made a much bigger sacrifice than I did.

The only one who seems to have a problem with this is my mother-in-law – and if you’re reading this, Nana, I’m sorry. She is a true Catholic believer and was extremely upset that the kids were not going to be Catholic as well. I can understand and empathize with her feelings.

However, the moral of the story for me – and for you, Confused – is that whatever compromise you make has to work for you and your husband.

His family has no vote.

“Jewish law” has no vote.

The only vote that matters is what makes you happy as a couple. Which is why – if my Mom had a problem with me marrying Catholic, I’d tell her to deal with it. And why, if the conservative temple made an issue out of our kids not being Jewish by birth, I’d find another synagogue to attend. And why, despite my mother-in-law’s sincere and heartfelt protests, our kids are 100% Jewish.

Therefore, your boyfriend has to take a strong stand against his mother and tell her to get on board the Shiksa-train before it leaves the station.

My wife and I made sense of our own internal contradictions, and if that means that my kids celebrate Shabbat on Fridays while I’m busy on my computer, and my wife attends temple more than I do, so be it.

Same goes for your secular husband who wants Jewish kids.

I know I used this space to hijack your question and tell a very personal story that I’ve wanted to tell for awhile, but really, it doesn’t matter what I say.

This is between you and your future husband.

Sounds like you’re both on board with Jewish children.
Sounds like his Mom is not on board with a Gentile wife.
Sounds like you’re on the fence about the conversion.

Therefore, your boyfriend has to take a strong stand against his mother and tell her to get on board the Shiksa-train before it leaves the station.

And you have to figure out if you want to go through the grueling conversion process just for appearances.

You may determine that the path of least resistance is to convert because it would make your in-laws happy and answer any questions about your children’s religion.

But personally, I don’t think you have to “prove” yourself to anybody. Whatever works for you as a couple is what the rest of the world will have to deal with.

The post My Boyfriend Is A Jewish Atheist And Wants His Children Raised Jewish. Should I Convert? appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

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Really Good News If You’re Not That Young and Hot

I’ve written before on sexual market value – how we “rate” other people in comparison to others. It’s crude math, but it serves an important purpose:

It lets us know what we can realistically expect from dating.

A man who is a 2 – because he may be short, heavy, uneducated, unintelligent, unsuccessful, and insensitive – will probably not look in a mirror and see a 2. Chances are, he is attracted to (and feel like he “deserves”) a much more desirable woman than another 2.

Reality will likely prove him wrong. And that’s when he needs to adjust his standards.

For the most part, if you look around, people tend to match up pretty evenly.

Most people end up with people at their same “level,” in some respect. Wealthy men who are not particularly attractive may end up with women “above” them. Attractive women who are not particularly smart or kind may do the same. But, for the most part, if you look around, people tend to match up pretty evenly.

There’s been a lot of commentary on this blog about how the rating system is somehow “wrong,” because one person’s 5 is another person’s 9. Well, that’s somewhat true, according to recent psychological research. Stick with me here:

First of all, there really IS a pretty universal standard as to what’s attractive, so let’s not sweep that under the rug. According to a recent New York Times piece.

“Psychological research on first impressions has shown that men and women do, in fact, reach some degree of consensus about each other in precisely this way. During an initial encounter, some people generally inspire swooning, others polite indifference and others avoidance. Desirable qualities like attractiveness, charisma and success — the features that differentiate the haves from the have-nots — are readily apparent.”

At the same time, even if we can all easily pick out the Clooneys and Albas from the crowd, there is something very powerful that gives lower ranked people an edge:

“Yet alongside this consensus is an equally important concept: uniqueness. Uniqueness can also be measured. It is the degree to which someone rates a specific person as lower or higher than the person’s consensus value. For example, even if Neil is a 6 on average, certain women may vary in their impressions of him. Amanda fails to be charmed by his obscure literary references and thinks he is a 3. Yet Eileen thinks he is a 9; she finds his allusions captivating.”

People who are hot and charismatic will always attract people – online and in person – at alarming rates.

This makes perfect sense and tends to get lost when we talk about dating, mating, and sexual market value. My wife might see me as a 10 but some woman who values guys with tattoos, Harleys and guns probably wouldn’t even look twice at me. Similarly, look around a dating site: part of the reason some people succeed is because they STAND OUT. Their profiles are funny. Their photos are memorable. They list interesting hobbies. They are unique. Hell, I built an entire business out of helping people capture their unique qualities in their profiles, and yet this study is a very useful reminder – people who are hot and charismatic will always attract people – online and in person – at alarming rates. But for the rest of us, there is hope as people get to truly know you:

“The old axiom says beauty is in the eye of the beholder. When it comes to initial impressions, this statement is not really true: Consensus about desirable qualities creates a gulf between the haves and have-nots. But the truth of this maxim increases over time: As people get to know each other, decreasing consensus and increasing uniqueness give everyone a fighting chance.

So if you do not have a high mate value, take heart. All you need is for others to have the patience to get to know you, and a more level playing field should follow.”

Your thoughts, below, are appreciated.

The post Really Good News If You’re Not That Young and Hot appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

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Why Can’t Men Breakup in A Respectful Way?

Thanks for your excellent blog. I discovered it recently and have really been enjoying it. I have a question for you: Why can’t men break up with a woman? I was with my most recent boyfriend for seven months. Everything seemed great. We were at the meeting friends, parents and (his) kid’s stage. He always said ‘I love you’ at the end of every phone call. Then, all of a sudden, he started pulling away.

Despite me gently confronting him about it on numerous occasions and giving him every opportunity to break up with me – if that’s what he wanted, he never did. Eventually, he just became so emotionally distant that I had to break up with him. He seemed relieved and was back on Match.com the next day. It’s only been a few weeks and he’s already gone and deleted all evidence of our relationship on Facebook (we’re still Facebook friends), probably so the next woman can’t see it. Next woman? It seems like yesterday we were talking about our future together. It breaks my heart that while I was investing more and more into the relationship (for instance, slowly forming a bond with his young daughter), he was checking out and didn’t bother to tell me about it.

Sadly, this is a step up from my last boyfriend who did a total, utter and complete disappearing act after six weeks of what I thought was awesome dating – he called me every day, took me out every weekend and treated me like his girlfriend (until he didn’t). Looking back, I don’t think I’ve had one boyfriend actually man up and tell me the relationship was over for him. I’ve also read countless articles and books by women who’ve experienced the same thing. (Heck, you have a whole program addressing why men disappear!) I’m starting to think expecting a man to break up with me is unrealistic, and if I want to know how the relationship is going I have to be one step ahead of him. Can’t rely on calm, rational conversations. Makes me so sad.

What do you think? Is a respectful break-up too much to ask of a man? Or is a man who can’t give a woman a respectful break-up a bit of a loser and I should be happy to be rid of him?

Sonia

The closest you came to truth was in your last line: a man who can’t break up like an adult is not the kind of man you want in your life for the next 40 years. Imagine being in a marriage where confrontation is avoided at all costs, where silent treatments are the norm, where the fear of expressing your feelings reigns.

Unfortunately, there are plenty of marriages like that. And guess what, Sonia? In half of them, women are the primary culprits of poor communication.

Now, of course, this is not scientific. This is anecdotal. But I’ve been around the block long enough to know that the primary reason you complain about how “men break up” is because you date men. If you dated women, your complaints would be leveled at a completely different gender.

All you can do is take responsibility for your own actions and let the unhealthy folks fend for themselves.

Example: John really likes Jennifer. They’ve talked a bunch, hooked up a bunch, shared a lot of personal feelings, and John is ready to take the next step to become her boyfriend. Jennifer, however, is still hung up on her ex. She thinks John is a great guy. She doesn’t want to hurt him. She doesn’t want to blow him off. She doesn’t want to commit to him. She doesn’t know what to do. She doesn’t know what to say. She half-heartedly returns his texts. She sees him occasionally, but doesn’t make him feel loved or appreciated or safe. She doesn’t have the conviction to either give him a chance or to let him go. So she does nothing. Eventually – eventually – Jennifer does the slow fade, and hopes that John finally gets the hint – although she never told him anything directly.

We can quibble with the details, of course, but this is just one anecdote.

I can cite my girlfriend from 1996, who dated me for four months, cheated with me over Christmas break, acted atrociously enough for me to break up with her the following month, and then told me she cheated on me in order to punish me.

I can also cite this brilliant song, The Fade Away by Garfunkel and Oates, which is all about women who don’t communicate directly.

Moral of the story, of course, is not to defend anyone who acts in a less than fair, healthy, or considerate fashion, but to point out that the emphasis of your email is on whether MEN can break up respectfully. Yes, they can. I considered turning pro at one point in time. But all you can do is take responsibility for your own actions and let the unhealthy folks fend for themselves.

The answer is not to “remain one step ahead” of your boyfriend at all times, but rather to choose a boyfriend who presents a secure attachment style, talks about his feelings, and lets you know where he stands.

Not surprisingly, that’s on YOU to change your decision-making mechanisms, not on all men to change their communication styles on your behalf.

The post Why Can’t Men Breakup in A Respectful Way? appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

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I love the New York Times, but I’m a little frustrated with this graph I’m about to share with you. According to the statistically-minded Upshot section:

“The most striking geographical pattern on marriage, as with so many other issues today, is the partisan divide. Spending childhood nearly anywhere in blue America — especially liberal bastions like New York, San Francisco, Chicago, Boston and Washington — makes people about 10 percentage points less likely to marry relative to the rest of the country. And no place encourages marriage quite like the conservative Mountain West, especially the heavily Mormon areas of Utah, southern Idaho and parts of Colorado.

These conclusions — based on an Upshot analysis of data compiled by a team of Harvard economists studying upward mobility, housing and tax policy — are not simply observations about correlation. The economists instead believe that they have identified a causal role that geography plays in people’s lives. The data, which covers more than five million people who moved as children in the 1980s and 1990s, suggests that children who move from, say, Idaho to Chicago really do become less likely to marry, even if the numbers can’t explain exactly why these patterns exist.”

Interesting stuff.

My big issue is that this study only reports on people who are married by the age of 26!

And, in my opinion, NO ONE should be married BEFORE the age of 26.

So what is this really telling us that we don’t already know?

Red states, overall, have higher marriage rates, higher divorce rates, higher pregnancy rates, higher rates of religious belief and lower rates of higher education.

NO ONE should be married BEFORE the age of 26.

So while we can ascribe the Blue State marriage dip to different values, as the NYT seems to do in this paragraph:

“When the Pew Research Center asked last year if society was better off when people made marriage and having children a priority, 59 percent of Republicans said yes, while only 36 percent of Republicans said society was just as well off if people had other priorities. For Democrats, the shares were virtually flipped: 35 percent and 61 percent,” I think that’s only the tip of the iceberg.

People who are more educated are more likely to use birth control, more likely to strive for advanced degrees and higher career achievement – all the more reasons they would not get married before the age of 26. Almost all of my closest friends (Duke grads from the Northeast) were single at 35 and married by 38. We had careers to build and oats to sow. We didn’t want to make youthful mistakes, get divorced, have alimony and child support to pay. We were patient and wanted to get it right.

Is there more pressure to get married at a young age in red states? Probably. Are blue state residents more likely to have an open mind about carving their own path and eschewing marriage? That makes sense, too.

But since numerous studies have shown that the marriages that are most likely to succeed are ones between college-educated people over the age of 30, let’s not spend too much time worrying about why young adults from 18-26 in red states are getting married faster.

I don’t think that’s a trend that we really want to emulate.

Your thoughts, below, are appreciated.

The post Young Uneducated People in Red States Marry Faster. News at 11! appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

Related posts:

1. Believe It Or Not, Most Women Eventually Marry
2. The Divorce Rate in the United States is Declining
3. The 2 Types of People You Don’t Want to Marry

     

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