He Said/She Said: May 2016

Tuesday, 31 May 2016

(Video) The Reason You Attract Men Who Treat You Poorly

Reason You Attract Men Who Treat You Poorly

Recently, I revealed a few personal things about myself and tied them back to important dating lessons for you.

1. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

2. Perception is reality.

3. It doesn’t matter if you feel secure if you act insecure.

Many of you wrote back to tell me how much those lessons resonated – and how painful it is to look back at all the crap you’ve put up with from men.

But there’s a big difference between realizing you’ve acted insecure in the past and understanding how to correct that behavior in the future.

That’s what I’m here for.

And what I love about my readers is that you are not shy about asking me to address what’s on your mind the most: how to identify good men and discard bad ones.

How do you decipher the men that are looking for a real relationship vs. the ones looking for a one-night stand?

How can I be sure the man that comes on strong is a man that is not a player and wants to build a relationship?

Why didn’t he feel connected with me since he showed signs of being in love?

What makes men commit to some women and not others?

How do you know when you’ve met the “right” guy?

Believe it or not, there are answers to all of these questions – and I’m going to share them with you shortly.

Choosing a husband is not a happy accident but a skill.

But I’ve gotta tell you: as a dating coach, I probably do the same thing that you do every day: observe common patterns and try to make sense of them.

Doctors do this. Lawyers do this. Finance people do this. Teachers do this. Dog trainers do this. We look for behavioral patterns and adjust to them.

Tell me if this pattern sounds familiar to you:

You fall for a guy based on chemistry and common interests.

He makes a great effort to charm you, seduce you, and win you over.

You get your hopes up.

You let down your guard.

You fall in love.

You later discover that he is selfish, abusive, critical, or unwilling to make a long-term commitment to you.

And while it seems obvious that you should let him go, you end up staying because it’s so rare for you to find such a unique and powerful connection with a man.

The longer you stay, the sadder you get, the more time you waste, and the more you convince yourself that it’s impossible to find true love.

The problem is that you don’t want to give up.

You don’t want to be alone for the rest of your life.

You want to live happily ever after.

You want to know the answer to one vital question that will determine your future:

“How can I stop wasting time on the wrong men and finally choose a husband?”

Choosing a husband is not a happy accident but a skill.

You may not see love that way, but I do.

The best way to create true intimacy – for both men and women – is by being VULNERABLE.

Before a doctor becomes a heart surgeon, she has to take biology.

Before a lawyer argues before the Supreme Court, she has to go to law school.

And before we can talk about how you can finally choose a husband, I think it’s valuable to walk through a few of the steps that come before marriage.

• Confidence

• Meeting Men

• Dating

• Understanding Men

• Relationships

• Commitment

That’s a lot of stuff. And you don’t have to figure it all out right away.

Last week, we identified 20 ways in which you may have acted insecure with men.

This week, I’m going to build on that quiz with a free video that answers 3 common dating questions (which also have to do with confidence):

How can I make a man feel needed without being “needy”?

Why don’t I ever meet any quality men?

Why do I always seem to attract unavailable guys who treat me poorly?

I’m especially excited to share the first tip about being needy with you. It points out what you’ve already observed in men:

If a guy is too aloof, it’s hard to feel emotionally connected to him.

If a guy is too needy, it makes you want to run away with him.

So the best way to create true intimacy – for both men and women – is by being VULNERABLE.

Click here to watch the video, and when you’re done, please share your biggest takeaways in the comments section below. Thanks a million.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,

Evan

The post (Video) The Reason You Attract Men Who Treat You Poorly appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

Thursday, 26 May 2016

Why Perception is Reality and Why You May Be More Insecure Than You Think

Why Perception is Reality and Why You May Be More Insecure Than You Think-2
We all have strengths and weaknesses.

From reading my emails, I would think that mine are pretty obvious.

I’m experienced…but that may make me more rigid in my beliefs.

I’m opinionated…but also prone to rubbing people the wrong way.

I’m logical…but it can be hard for emotional people to connect with me.

I’m balanced…but that can be frustrating when you want me to take your side.

Some men think I’m a sell-out to women for demanding better behavior from men.

Some women think I favor men because I often play devil’s advocate with women.

The only reason I bring this up is because I think it’s important to know how you’re perceived by others.

Believe me, the truth hurts, and it’s far easier to not acknowledge others’ perceptions at all.

I mean seriously, do you think it feels good to confess to tens of thousands of women that I can be perceived as cold, masculine, stubborn and rigid?

There’s how you see yourself. There’s how others see you. The two don’t always line up.

Of course not.

And while I may not entirely agree with the assessment myself, the point is that perception IS reality.

There’s how you see yourself. There’s how others see you.

The two don’t always line up.

I recently encouraged you to take my quiz, 20 Signs You’ve Wasted Time on the Wrong Men and Don’t Know How to Choose the Right One.

You quickly filled out a bunch of boxes, in which you admitted to relationship behavior that indicates a level of insecurity.

And maybe, when you finished the quiz, you received a score that said you were insecure – and that score really stung.

After all, you don’t FEEL insecure.

You look in the mirror and see an attractive woman.

You know you’re kind and generous to loved ones.

You’ve got ample evidence that you’re bright and competent at work.

So, how dare my little quiz suggest that you’re insecure?

This is where perception becomes reality.

Because it doesn’t matter whether you FEEL secure if you ACT insecure.

If you are stuck in a relationship where you give but don’t receive…

If you are afraid to have an authentic conversation with your partner…

If you’ve stayed with a man for over three months who was not your boyfriend…

You have acted insecure.

These actions send a loud and clear subliminal message to men:

You don’t value yourself enough to speak your mind.

You don’t value yourself enough to demand fair treatment.

You don’t value yourself enough to expect commitment.

And if you don’t value yourself enough to expect more from men, you will continue to get less than you deserve from them.

Listen, I can’t tell you if you want to make any changes in your life.

I continue to be challenging even though it doesn’t always win me fans. But at least I understand how I’m perceived.

By taking my quiz, you were finally able to see how men perceive you – whether it’s confident or insecure.

Below are the overall results of the quiz. I have to say, the results didn’t surprise me:

That’s right.

96% of women act insecure when it comes to relationships.

First of all, I hope you see that your experience is NORMAL.

It’s normal to be insecure around men… But just because it’s normal doesn’t mean you have to continue your pattern.

It’s normal to be insecure around men, put up with subpar treatment, and waste time on guys who make for terrible relationship partners.

But just because it’s normal doesn’t mean you have to continue your pattern.

If your behaviors are more insecure than your personality, you now have actionable information – and I want to give you even more of it.

In a couple of days, I’m going to share some incredible free video content that teaches you how to be your most confident self wherever you go, and command proper treatment from the men you value most.

I hope it has a deep and instant impact on you.

Until then, thanks for being brave enough to face the truth about how you’re perceived.

I’m proud to call you my reader and my friend.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,

Evan

The post Why Perception is Reality and Why You May Be More Insecure Than You Think appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

Wednesday, 25 May 2016

Why Men Should Court Women Again

Chivalry is not dead, but in some circles, it is on life support. While women lament the lack of effort men make in dating, most men are either clueless about chivalry or fighting against it. On this episode, I’m going to give you a compelling argument as to why courtship is good for men and what women can do to encourage better male behavior.

The post Why Men Should Court Women Again appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

Why Men Should Court Women Again

The post Why Men Should Court Women Again appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

Tuesday, 24 May 2016

What I’m Thankful For: You

What I’m Thankful For - You

I don’t know about you, but I’m not a big fan of stress.

I’m generally an intense, organized, hardworking guy who expects the best from himself and others – and when things don’t go my way, I get thrown for a loop.

I’m not proud of this, but it’s an undeniable part of me. I had anxiety issues when I was graduating college. I had anxiety issues as a screenwriter in my 20’s. I had anxiety issues when I was deciding to propose to my wife. I had anxiety issues when I was launching Love U last year.

And when I’m in anxiety mode – not sleeping well, not eating well, not enjoying myself as much as I should – I always try to take stock of what IS working in my life.

Despite my high-strung nature, I am blessed to have this unusual and meaningful career, to be my own boss, to have a healthy wife and kids, to surround myself with other positive people who believe in lasting love.

As I often say, “It’s a bad day, not a bad life.” 

But how often do I actually take the time to express my gratitude for all of this?

Not that often. Which is ironic, given that, scientifically, showing appreciation actually makes you a happier person. But of course it does:

When I tell my wife I love her and appreciate her, it makes her happy, and she usually returns the favor. Sounds like a win/win situation to me – and yet it’s so easy to forget to express gratitude.

It’s even harder to remember to appreciate the ones you love the most, specifically because you’re around them all the time and it’s easy to take them for granted.

Yet that’s exactly why it’s so important. Appreciation is one of the easiest ways to make yourself – and others – feel better on a regular basis.

Since I learned about the power of appreciation, I’ve become even more effusive in praising others. Yesterday, I interrupted my own conversation with a woman to say, “You know what? I like you. I think you’re great.”

It made me feel good and I hope it made her morning.

Long story short: I wanted to take this moment to express my appreciation for you.

As an extrovert who spends all his time alone, you are my sole connection to the outside world.

Which is one of many reasons that I spend so much time responding to comments on my blog, Facebook and Twitter.

It’s also one of the reasons that I relish any feedback you give to me.

Appreciation is one of the easiest ways to make yourself feel better on a regular basis.

Your emails are the lifeblood of my business and they are the single biggest reason I never tire of the solitude of being a writer.

I have saved every email I’ve ever received in a folder on my computer.

On days when I feel adrift or need to be reminded of my mission in life, I look at that folder and receive heartwarming tangible reminders about why I do this.

It feels incredible to know that I can touch women from all over the world with a newsletter or a quote that inspires. But the only way I know how you feel is if you tell me. Jules sent me this email, and if it wasn’t so long, I’d have framed it:

Evan, I want to thank you SO much for everything that you do. I really believe that it was a driving force behind me having the relationship that I’ve always wanted. I was divorced, never dated much before, and read your “Why He Disappeared” eBook in one sitting. It really changed things for me. I finally understood why that guy I went out with on 3 amazing dates never called me again, I finally understood why that guy I had been texting for over 1 month never asked me out. But here is my favorite part, I STOPPED GETTING UPSET ABOUT IT. Okay, I was a little hurt, but not like I was before, and I didn’t let it stop me or hold me back because I KNEW there was going to be another guy out there.

Also, I stopped trying to lead the relationship. I finally learned to let go, stop being SO invested in every single date and started to have fun with dating. I’m being honest when I say I had TONS of fun dating. I learned to focus on being playful, just having a great conversation with a man, and stopped appearing so desperate.

That’s when he found me. The love of my life. All it took was a few email exchanges on an online dating website, and before I met him I made a conscious choice to try to be myself; this meant I did not get super dolled up for our brunch date but went looking “cute” and friendly and open. He was not my type at all. He was the same culture and religion as me, which I told myself I would never do, and he was not my type physically at all. But this time was different. I decided to focus on how he made me feel and give it a chance. And let me tell you, he makes me feel like no other man has ever made me feel. Safe, wanted, loved, cared for, special, funny, desired. What I also realized is that when I am being completely and utterly myself (like the way I am with a best friend; nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be fake about), he is even more crazy about me.

He always told me when we were first dating that he thought I was a “cool girl” and let me tell you, it took a while for me to get there!! I was a nervous girl, a not so confident-don’t know-what I’m doing-girl, but you gave me confidence, Evan. I knew that I should focus on the way he makes me feel and I should focus on making him feel good too (quizzing him on our 3rd date on whether he wants to ever get married would NOT make him feel good, so I didn’t do that, asking him why he didn’t call me one or two days out of the week when he called every other day was NOT going to make him feel good, so I didn’t do that either).

I also learned that it is OKAY for a woman to say what she wants or is important to her in a matter of fact way, and the guy can either take it or leave it. If the man cannot or does not want to provide that, it is up to the woman to decide if she still wants to be with him. After 2 years of dating. I dropped a “hint” and sent him a picture of a ring and told him should he ever consider it in the future, that was my style. A few months later he proposed with that exact same style of ring I sent him. We are getting married on a beach in about 2 weeks now, and I wanted to thank you again for all the work you do. It truly, really, makes a difference. It helped me become the woman I wanted to be (and always knew I could be) in a relationship; confident, open, giving and receiving.

THANK YOU EVAN!!!
-Jules

I don’t care who you are, but being appreciated never gets old – whether it’s by your boss, your employees, your children, your parents, or, in this case, your readers.

Being appreciated never gets old – whether it’s by your boss, your employees, your children, your parents, or, in this case, your readers.

No, I’m not soliciting praise from you.

If anything, I’m encouraging you to call (or text) someone you love for no reason other than to express your gratitude.

I promise: you will have a positive impact – that will likely ripple into another positive expression of love in return.

As you know, a little appreciation goes a long way.

Now that you’ve reminded me that I am appreciated, I’ll make even a greater effort to give you more free dating and relationship advice.

So please, click here to take my quiz “20 Signs You’ve Wasted Time on the Wrong Men and Don’t Know How to Choose the Right One.”

It’s juicy stuff that will let you know right away how confident you are – and illustrate just how many ways you may have sacrificed for the wrong men.

I’ve already received over 1000 responses and they’ve been incredibly illuminating. I can’t wait to share all the results with you.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,

Evan

The post What I’m Thankful For: You appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

Thursday, 19 May 2016

(Quiz) 20 Signs You’ve Wasted Time on the Wrong Men and Don’t Know How to Choose the Right One.

20 Signs You’ve Wasted Time on the Wrong Men

You’ve heard of the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I have no doubt that men and dating have driven you mad before.

“Why does he look at my profile but never write to me?”

“Why does he hook up with me but not want to be my boyfriend?”

“Why does he tell me he loves me but treats me so poorly?”

These mixed messages are the hardest thing to take – and it’s hard to find any measure of objectivity when the subject is so close to home.

Hell, it’s even a relationship cliché: “Don’t try to fix her. Just listen to her.”

But I have to admit something that’s hard for me to say out loud:

I sometimes feel like I’m going crazy, too.

As a dating coach since 2003, I know exactly what to expect when I post something on my blog, or share a quote on Facebook – and yet I’m always surprised when I rub people the wrong way.

The very women I’m trying to help – the very women I’ve devoted my life to – often have a negative reaction to my advice. And it’s always the same exact story.

I’ll post something really positive about finding a quality, trustworthy man who makes a consistent effort to make you feel safe, heard and understood…

Within seconds, I receive comments like:

“Men are pigs!”
“You can’t trust guys at all!”
“There’s no such thing as unconditional love!”

As a trustworthy guy, a happily married man, and a dating coach who has helped thousands of women find love, I tend to take such false statements personally.

But I shouldn’t.

I should know that these women are in pain, that they don’t mean what they say, that they’re just venting and looking for support.

Hell, it’s even a relationship cliché: “Don’t try to fix her. Just listen to her.”

But do I listen? No.

I’m a guy. I try to fix.

I point out rationally that their statements are untrue. That there are plenty of trustworthy men. That there are millions of happy couples. That it’s one thing to feel hurt; it’s quite another to believe that one entire gender is so bad that no couples in the world are actually happy.

Technically, I’m “right.” But it doesn’t matter.

The second I contradict the narrative that men are scumbags, I have revealed myself to be part of the problem: just another patronizing guy who doesn’t understand women.

Talk about the definition of insanity!

So from one flawed human being to another: I am always open to learning what I can do better to get different results, and I hope you are, too.

I’m approaching the end of my most recent Love U course, and it has been an amazing six-month journey. I learn so much from my clients each day and I continue to pour that knowledge back into my coaching for your benefit.

That’s why I strongly encourage you to take my quiz: “20 Signs You’ve Wasted Time on the Wrong Men and Don’t Know How to Choose the Right One.”

After listening closely to the experiences of 750 women who have gone through Love U, I have discovered twenty telltale signs that indicate unhealthy relationship choices.

When you’re done with my quiz, you will get an assessment as to whether you are Confident, Mildly Insecure, Insecure or Very Insecure.

Whatever the answer, just know that I’m not judging you whatsoever.

I can assure you: that change doesn’t involve giving up on men and love forever.

As a dating coach, my job is to hold up a mirror so you can see for yourself what’s working and what’s not.

Once you see evidence that men have repeatedly mistreated you, you’ll have all the impetus you need to make a big change in your life.

I can assure you: that change doesn’t involve giving up on men and love forever.

Rather, it means learning how to conduct yourself with confidence to repel the wrong men and attract the right ones. But before you can do that…

Click here to take my quiz and get your free assessment.

I’ll let you know the results for my entire mailing list in a future blog post.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,

Evan

The post (Quiz) 20 Signs You’ve Wasted Time on the Wrong Men and Don’t Know How to Choose the Right One. appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

He Said/She Said

Welcome People...

Women Arent As Cool With One-Night Stands As Men

My Boyfriend Is Turned Off By My Hairy Legs.

Am I Being Too Materialistic By Giving Up on a Financially Unstable Man?

When Do I Draw The Line When He Parties With the Boys?

Tuesday, 31 May 2016

(Video) The Reason You Attract Men Who Treat You Poorly

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Thursday, 26 May 2016

Why Perception is Reality and Why You May Be More Insecure Than You Think

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Wednesday, 25 May 2016

Why Men Should Court Women Again

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Why Men Should Court Women Again

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Tuesday, 24 May 2016

What I’m Thankful For: You

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Thursday, 19 May 2016

(Quiz) 20 Signs You’ve Wasted Time on the Wrong Men and Don’t Know How to Choose the Right One.

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