Welcome People...
Lets talk Love..Sex..and Relationships
Women Arent As Cool With One-Night Stands As Men
Lets start with one thing..Just like every study ever conducted, just because this doesnt apply to YOU doesnt mean it doesnt apply.
My Boyfriend Is Turned Off By My Hairy Legs.
Im 25 and have been dating a man who is 34 for the last 1.5 years. There is a lot to like about him he's smart, kind, caring, and dependable. He is almost the elusive alpha male nerd.
Am I Being Too Materialistic By Giving Up on a Financially Unstable Man?
I decided to get back into the dating world and I met this guy online four weeks ago. So its all still very early and very new. But a big worry for me is that is has absolutely no stability or consistency in his life.
When Do I Draw The Line When He Parties With the Boys?
My boyfriend loves partying weekends and some weeknights with his friends. We are in our late 20s and I party a bit too but dont consider it extremely important.
Monday, 13 July 2015
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What Can I Do to Make My Boyfriend Feel Better About Himself?
I love your blog. It’s nice reading a no-bullshit point of view with facts to back it up, and so I know that you’re the best dating coach to get advice from. My boyfriend and I are both 24 years old, and we’ve been together for almost a year now. We get along really well and feel like our natural selves with one another. He has always treated me well, and is kind, helpful, hard-working, loving, and also has a backbone. I find him attractive too, and so, of course, I compliment him, but he always denies it. He tells me that he isn’t good looking or attractive, and I think he’s quite self-conscious. For instance, when we went to the pool, he swam with a top on, and other times he’ll make fun of himself. Is it common for men to feel this way? And is there anything that I can do or say to help make him feel better?
Maree
This is a question about insecurity. Nothing more. Nothing less.
So, why is your boyfriend insecure?
Because his Mom or Dad wasn’t supportive.
Because his Mom or Dad wasn’t available.
Because his Mom or Dad was critical or abusive.
Because he was teased throughout school.
Because he’s not particularly charismatic individual.
Because he’s not particularly experienced with women.
Because he comes from a self-effacing family or culture.
Because he sees himself accurately and doesn’t have reason to be confident.
Because a bunch of the above explanations are true.
This is a question about insecurity. Nothing more. Nothing less.
I’m fishing here, but you get the idea.
There are any number of reasons why an individual will lead with his insecurities.
But all of them predate you and are probably pretty deep-seated.
Thus, there are only two cures for insecurity:
• Experience, in which your boyfriend can learn that the negative things he’s internalized about himself are not entirely true, shouldn’t define him, and are dragging him down.
You can’t force him to go through therapy, but if you’re a great girlfriend, you can have this very conversation with him and ask him why he continually insults the man you love.
He doesn’t believe the good stuff yet. But with your help, he might – and you’ll have a more attractive and confident boyfriend when you’re done.
Then just sit back and listen. And, whenever possible, give him all the positive reinforcement he needs.
Soon, he’ll see why a woman like you continues to choose him above all others.
He doesn’t believe the good stuff yet. But with your help, he might – and you’ll have a more attractive and confident boyfriend when you’re done.
The post What Can I Do to Make My Boyfriend Feel Better About Himself? appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..
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Public Release: 13-Jul-2015 New Alzheimer's study reveals how spouse-caregivers sustain relationships Florida Atlantic University When a spouse is cognitively impaired, marital communication is impaired. As Alzheimer's disease progresses, language…
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What To Do With a Good Man Who Is Not Romantic
It’s incredible how much of our behavior is determined by how we are raised.
I grew up in a family where my Mom made big deal about every holiday.
It wasn’t enough to say “I love you.” It wasn’t enough to give a card. It wasn’t enough to buy a thoughtful gift. You had to do ALL of them for EVERY holiday – birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, you name it.
As a result, I was brought up with the de facto mindset that this is how you treat women on special occasions. I never questioned it. As a result, I’ve been fortunate that, for whatever my considerable flaws (know-it-all, tactless, oversharer, impatient), being a thoughtful and generous husband is not one of them.
It doesn’t mean they’re bad. It doesn’t mean they’re cheap. It doesn’t mean they’re selfish. It just means that the grand romantic gesture is not a part of their vocabulary.
But lots of men didn’t get that memo. It doesn’t mean they’re bad. It doesn’t mean they’re cheap. It doesn’t mean they’re selfish. It just means that the grand romantic gesture is not a part of their vocabulary. They don’t want people making a big fuss about their birthdays and they don’t want to make a big fuss about yours.
It would be nice to say that he “should” go the extra mile “if he really loved you,” but as we all know, it’s not that simple to rewire your personality. Victoria Fedden, to her credit, realized this, in her piece for YourTango/The Good Men Project.
“At one point, my resentment grew so great that I began to dread birthdays, holidays and anniversaries because I knew I was going to be let down. One year, after yet another birthday disappointment, I finally realized that something had to change — and that something was me…
I mistakenly viewed television-style romance as concrete proof of true love. I believed that all men could be moved to extreme romantic measures if they really loved their lady. I didn’t measure up to some mysterious standard, I thought, and so I was never “good enough” for a proposal on the banks of the Seine. I came to believe that I must be unlovable. This belief became so ingrained that I began to view the world through a lens of unworthiness where every event, every little instance, became the proof I was looking for that I lacked the spark that would make a man shower me with treats and surprises. This couldn’t be farther from the truth.”
I think this is really powerful. All you have to do is look in the comments section below and see how many women and men blame the opposite sex for everything.
Looking internally about what you can do differently is SO much more effective than complaining that the world is not the way you want it to be.
Women are hypergamous and are always trying to date “up”!
Men are so interested in sex!
Women want men for their money!
Men are selfish for dating you if they don’t want to marry you!
These all have a basis in truth, but they’re not the whole truth – not by a long shot. Furthermore, complaining about it doesn’t change a thing. Are men going to complain their way into telling women that they should not care about money? Are women going to shame men into only having sex if, and only if, marriage is in the future? No and no.
This is why looking internally about what you can do differently is SO much more effective than complaining that the world is not the way you want it to be.
Writes Fedden, “I stopped looking for evidence that I was unlovable and started to focus on all the little, lovely things my husband does every single day to express his love for me — making me breakfast on the weekends, running a hot bath for me each night, working hard for our family, making future plans for us, texting me from work to see how I am, encouraging me and supporting me while I pursue my dreams, and never complaining when I want a girls’ night. The list is endless because my husband constantly expresses his love, even if it’s highly unlikely that he will ever compose sexy riddles or shock me with a whirlwind trip to South Africa for a glam safari.”
That’s right. And while I might be prone to over-the-top birthday fiestas for my wife, that’s not really the best measure of our love. Our marriage works because I make her feel safe, heard, and understood every day, and if you have a guy like that, do your best to appreciate what he does for you, instead of focusing on what he doesn’t.
Your thoughts, below, are appreciated.
The post What To Do With a Good Man Who Is Not Romantic appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..
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Sunday, 12 July 2015
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Saturday, 11 July 2015
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Friday, 10 July 2015
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Thursday, 9 July 2015
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Wednesday, 8 July 2015
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Tuesday, 7 July 2015
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Monday, 6 July 2015
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My Indian Boyfriend May Break Up with Me Because of His Family
Hi Evan,
I’ve searched your blog for the answer to my question but couldn’t find it. I started reading your blog in 2013 and it helped me get rid of an alpha male in my life and encouraged me to try online dating. I met a wonderful man online who is successful in his career, affectionate, generous with his time, etc. He treats me so well and our compatibility is incredible. I have never had a relationship go as smoothly as this. I lost my job last year and with his encouragement and support, I got through a difficult time. A few months after meeting we became exclusive, online profiles deleted, and we’ve met the majority of important people in each other’s lives. I told him I was in love a few months ago, but he admitted he doesn’t feel that yet.
My boyfriend and I are both from the same ethnic background, practice the same religion, but our families come from different regions of the same country. He never mentioned (even though I asked on our 3rd date) that his parents are completely against him marrying an “outsider.”
In the last month his parents have been pressuring him to get an arranged marriage. We got into an argument about this a week ago. He told me he wasn’t 100% sure that he wanted a future with me and needed time to think because he’s been the happiest with me. He knows his parents won’t approve (I sent him your blog answer on that too!) and isn’t sure if he wants to make them unhappy.
This has been the longest week of my life. I have not been contacting him, even though he’s sent a few texts. How long do I give him the space needed? Should I even wait? I was single for years before I met him. I really have been the type of girlfriend I always wanted to be with him. Calm, understanding, and busy with my own life! I work full time (again), have an art career on the side, and constantly going out with my friends. I have been so happy with him and believe he’s worth the wait. But I wonder if he hasn’t made a decision after a week, is silence an answer?
Varsha
Dear Varsha,
I’ve written about this subject many times.
But I guess I’ll take another crack at it, in hopes that newer readers who are too lazy to click on the above links will challenge their beliefs and make healthier relationship choices.
No matter how much your boyfriend loves his family and no matter how much their hearts are in the “right place,” it’s not their life to live.
First: I’m glad you enjoy the blog. I’m glad you got over a jerk. I’m glad you tried online dating. I’m glad you found a wonderful man who has stuck with you through thick and thin. That level of aptitude is something you deserve credit for – and something that will come into play if your current relationship doesn’t work out.
And make no mistake, there is a distinct chance that this one might not work out.
Let me share with you my line of thinking:
I will say, however, that no matter how much your boyfriend loves his family and no matter how much their hearts are in the “right place,” it’s not their life to live. If he chooses to sacrifice true love – which, as we know, is hard enough to find – just because your families come from separate regions of India, I have no sympathy for him – and nor should you.
2. That may sound like I don’t understand the enormous pressure you feel to please your respective parents. I do. I just don’t care. As I wrote just recently, if my Mom told me that she “forbid” me to marry my Catholic wife or would disown me if I made that choice, SHE would be the one making the choice to ruin our family, NOT me. Thus, there is nothing for you to do here, Varsha. No reason to blame yourself. No reason to figure out how to strategize. This is your boyfriend’s battle – to figure out if he wants to be an independent man capable of making his own decisions or whether he’s going to be a puppet of his extended family and deny himself the joy of marrying someone of his own choosing.
3. I’m not against arranged marriage, per se. Reva Seth wrote an amazing book called “First Comes Marriage” about what Westerners can learn from arranged marriage. I’m only against arranged marriage for people who DON’T WANT ARRANGED MARRIAGE.
As to what you do – silence vs. no silence? – these are all games and you are above playing games.
I’m not against arranged marriage, per se. I’m only against arranged marriage for people who DON’T WANT ARRANGED MARRIAGE.
Be an adult. Pick up the phone. If you agree with me, tell him your spin on what I outlined above. You love him. You want to be with him. And while you’d love to make both of your families happy, this is a defining moment for him as a person. Will he capitulate, and break up with a devoted girlfriend, just to make mommy happy? Or will he stand up and tell his family that he made a decision and he really hopes they can get on board.
If he chooses the latter, I am confident that his family will eventually come around to support him.
If he chooses the former, you have not lost the man you thought you lost, and you should not waste another second of time pining for this guy.
The post My Indian Boyfriend May Break Up with Me Because of His Family appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..
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Cheating Is Genetic
While it may sound like a convenient excuse for selfish behavior, apparently, cheating can actually be traced to your genes.
“We have long known that men have a genetic, evolutionary impulse to cheat, because that increases the odds of having more of their offspring in the world.
But now there is intriguing new research showing that some women, too, are biologically inclined to wander, although not for clear evolutionary benefits. Women who carry certain variants of the vasopressin receptor gene are much more likely to engage in “extra pair bonding,” the scientific euphemism for sexual infidelity.”
Despite the claims that “all men cheat,” in fact, a vast minority of men do – and not a significant amount more than women.
I’ll spare you the details of the study, which can be read here, but the article points out:
“Correlation is not the same as causation; there are undoubtedly many unmeasured factors that contribute to infidelity. And rarely does a simple genetic variant determine behavior.
Still, there is a good reason to take these findings seriously: Data in animals confirm that these two hormones are significant players when it comes to sexual behavior.”
As we’ve reported extensively on this site, “the rate of infidelity has been pretty constant at around 21 percent for married men, and between 10 to 15 percent for married women, according to the General Social Survey at the University of Chicago’s independent research organization, NORC.” Which is to say that, despite the claims that “all men cheat,” in fact, a vast minority of men do – and not a significant amount more than women.
While we are not slaves to our genes, those with a predisposition may experience more temptation than the rest of us.
The article concludes by saying that while we are not slaves to our genes, those with a predisposition may experience more temptation than the rest of us:
“So do we get a moral pass if we happen to carry one of these “infidelity” genes? Hardly. We don’t choose our genes and can’t control them (yet), but we can usually decide what we do with the emotions and impulses they help create. But it is important to acknowledge that we live our lives on a very uneven genetic playing field….For some, there is little innate temptation to cheat; for others, sexual monogamy is an uphill battle against their own biology.”
Your thoughts, below, are appreciated.
The post Cheating Is Genetic appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..
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Wednesday, 1 July 2015
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